Toni Payne On Why We Need To Stop Divorce Shaming Women


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In many African societies, no matter what a woman is going through in her marriage, people expect her to stay. If she leaves, she is then stigmatised and continously shamed for being a divorcee. This is of course, not right.

“During my situation, there was nothing I did not hear. If I cough, ‘U can’t cough cos your marriage o’,” Toni Payne, the ex-wife of Afro-pop singer, 9ice, tweeted.

After her marriage to the singer ended, Toni explained that all sorts were said about her but she wasn’t concerned.

In a blog post, she titled, “Why Divorce Shaming Needs to Stop + How to Deal with Guilt or Shame of a Relationship Ending, Toni Payne explains why she cannot be divorce-shamed.

SEE ALSO: Is Deception An Excuse For A Divorce?

She wrote,

Personally, I can not and will never allow myself to be divorce shamed. If someone says to me, “be quiet, aren’t you divorced?” I can never take such a person seriously because I see them as ignorant and lacking in wisdom. If I do not take you seriously, your opinion pretty much does not matter.

Maybe knowing I was never at fault and did my best helps me beat my chest and not feel any guilt but even if you are in a situation where you gave up easily or you were at fault, no one has the right to make you feel bad or hold on to your past.

Everyone has the right to move on from relationship mishaps. Never allow anyone put you down for situations in life that were beyond your control. I may be stronger than some of how I see situations like this so if you are that one person that allows people negative opinions shape your life, stop it now!

I seldom discuss my past union outside of defending myself if I am accused falsely. I have made it a point not to feel bad because someone decided the best way to live their life is without me. It ceases to be my problem so why carry it on my shoulder? If you are in these shoes, it is time to see life from a positive perspective.

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