Nollywood actress, Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde, who has been married for 21 years speaks on one of the major issues facing marriages today, which is infidelity.
In an interview with BroadwayTV, she gave her opinion on whether a cheating spouse should be forgiven.
For her, if they are a first time offender, one should forgive especially if they are remorseful and show signs of change. But if a spouse continuously cheats, a lot of things have to be considered, moreover, it depends on the people involved in such relationships.
ON IF PEOPLE SHOULD FORGIVE A CHEATING SPOUSE
When you say a cheating spouse, I guess that’s someone who’s a repeat offender. If someone cheats once, should they forgive that kind of person, I would say, definitely yes, if they are remorseful and if they show signs of change.
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Should someone forgive a repeatedly cheating spouse? Why are they cheating? I think the problem with us these days is we are very impatient. Yes, the sin is there and the sin is very bad but then, sometimes, you need to sit back and assess the situation: who is this person really: is that the only problem?Is this person perfect person and is just a cheat? You have to weigh your options.
For me, as a person, is this something I want to deal with? Does it matter to me or am I angry because of what people will say?
I have met a lady who says to me, “I don’t care what he does.” And someone else said, “You should care, he’ll give you a disease.”
But do you know if she sleeps with her husband with protection? And she does not care about the emotional part. Maybe she’s just as cold as he is.
And maybe, she is also cheating and feels like everybody can do whatever they like, as long as we’re together, we’ll respect each other.
You don’t know peoples’ relationships so you can’t judge their relationship, only they can decide. If it is just about cheating and nothing else, one may be able to live with it but when the person is hopeless, that’s another matter.
IF THERE’S ANYTHING SHE CAN’T FORGIVE
Everyone knows I can forgive anything if they tell me. Just make sure I know. If my husband does anything, I tell him to tell me. Once you tell me, I can get angry but you are sorted because I will defend you.
I may still be angry with you but I will defend you because you have told me. To me, honour is important. At that point, I feel honoured. That is how my own brain is wired.
If you are honourable enough to tell me I will respect you. It doesn’t mean that you and I are cool, but I will stand by you.
But if you don’t tell me and I find out or someone tells me, you have broken the honour chain and so for me, that might be unforgivable.
IF SHE CAN FORGIVE HER HUSBAND IF HE CHEATS
I will forgive him doesn’t mean I’m staying with him. They are two different things but that you tell me, is healing enough for me. It doesn’t mean that its right what you did, it doesn’t mean that I’m ok with what you did but I’m fine with the fact that you’re human, you messed up and you owned up to it. so, for me, that is the way my brain processes things.