I am not blind. I can still tell when a man looks good and when he doesn’t. I am also not lusting after any man as that would just be greedy as I have already bagged myself a wonderful one. However, some people look right through their heart’s desire without realizing. It’s time to encourage people to take a second look at the people around them.
I know two people who need to turn on their heart-lights. She’s in her late 30s; he’s in his early 40s and divorced. They work in the same building and my friends and I agree that they would be perfect for each other. The lady, Bola* is my friend, and the man, Keji* is my hubby’s friend.
Bola has been in an on/off relationship with a guy called D***. D is fantastically stupid with misleading good looks and is chronically promiscuous and loaded too. He is also vicious when drunk and has been known to excel at shady internet business which he denies but describes as ‘crowd funding’…. and these are just some of his attributes!
Keji, on the other hand, is obsessed with white women. I suppose there is something attractive about his clean- shaven head and rather muscular physique. He looks a bit too well- oiled for my liking. He always has this ‘sheen’ about him, like he’s just stepped out of a bath of oil, but he has a heart of gold and is very pleasant. He was once married to a white lady but stunned us all when he declared that he was looking to marry a black woman. My match-making antenna started to hum loudly. I confess to tricking him to our house a few times to introduce him to a couple of ladies but after some disastrous attempts, my hubby told me to stop being an interfering busy-body and mind my own business.
I thought Bola could do better than D, namely Keji. How were we to convince her to forget D and consider other options? She was properly introduced to Keji at a friend’s baby dedication party but D was there hanging around like a bad smell so Bola didn’t pay him any attention.
Only a couple of months ago Bola was the victim of a late-night mugging in front of a shop in Birmingham. The thief took her bag which contained her purse and mobile phone. She had to walk two miles to the nearest Tesco store where she happened to see Keji who had come to shop at the store. He gallantly gave Bola a ride to her house. When Bola asked me for Keji’s phone number a few days later so she could thank him, I added two and two together and arrived at five. I seriously believed that the contact would get things moving. I secretly imagined how lovely her bridal shower would be (…mint and baby pink colour- coordinated, of course), with her telling the story of how they met and all of us (friends) sighing with romantic approval.
What wedding? A few weeks later Bola told me that she’d been in contact with Keji on a number of occasions and that they discovered they had so much in common that she’d invited him to dinner with herself and D. Imagine! Now Keji is good friends with D and they have common friends and watch football together! Not the outcome I was expecting at all.
So maybe Bola and Keji weren’t meant for each other. Sometimes we see two people and we think that they would make a perfect match. Sometimes we are wrong but sometimes we get it right. Sometimes match-making works and I am an advocate of it. It is harder, though, when the parties involved refuse to take chances and be open to possibilities.
Many single ladies have a mental image of their perfect man: rich, good looking, tall and oh yes, God-fearing. Unfortunately, the description also fits ‘D’ along with his other ‘attributes’ listed above. Yes, a man can be God-fearing but still be a total jackass. It is therefore vital that we focus on discovering deeper and more character-related qualities about each other instead of falling for the wrong person or waiting indefinitely for an unrealistic ideal. Sam Keen once said: Love isn’t finding a perfect person. It’s seeing an imperfect person perfectly. I know of a couple who met at MacDonald’s. He was a high flying IT consultant who went for his daily lunch at a branch of Macdonald’s. The man had his heart light switched on and noticed one of the waitresses. Recounting their meeting, he told me she had slightly bowed legs which made her hips jut out provocatively as she walked. For weeks he watched the lady as she served people and was mesmerized by her gap tooth (‘Eji’). He noticed she spoke with a Nigerian accent and had lovely dimples when she smiled.
Eventually, he summoned courage and the first time he talked to her they chatted for over 20mins. It turned out she was an undergraduate student working part time for extra money. Five years later, they are still together, married with two kids.
You don’t have to be with someone to be happy although our Nigerian culture is slow on the uptake on that one. However, if you are single and looking for a life partner, you need to look around you with renewed awareness. With the right attitude and frame of mind, you may find that the elusive Mrs/Mr Right has been right in front of you for ages. Sometimes new love comes between old friends. Sometimes the best love was the one that was always there. Leave aside stereotypes and prejudices, stop worrying about what people will say, look beyond appearances and for goodness sake, TURN ON YOUR HEART LIGHT!!!!!
Finally, if you are still searching for love, continue to hope for love, pray for love, wish for love, and dream for love but don’t put your life on hold waiting for love.
BTW: Bola is still with D. Time waster or true love? Hmmm…..
Abi Adeboyejo lives in Birmingham, UK, with her two children and her fabulous man, who by the way, prefers that his wife writes down her thoughts than listening to her musings on everything.