Who teaches all these girls that marriage is an absolute purpose of female’s existence? In the 21st century, I still have a feeling like all they teach you since you are born is how to make a “good wife” and “catch” someone who will marry you. Since very early age they teach girls how to suffocate and sacrifice their own NATURE, dreams, needs, and ambitions ,they tell them,in many different ways they must settle and accept/stomach/tolerate whatever it takes, all for sake of “protecting” the marriage, while men are allowed to act how they feel like acting.
That is why most of the women I come across act like getting married is the highest level of acknowledgment a female can get. Like it’s a lifetime recognition or something. Like a damn piece of paper (marriage certificate) is a proof that you are better and more superior than other ladies without a husband (?!). All this would not bother me if I did not see how deep this matter is.Things women do to “catch” a husband? Disturbing.
Let’s start with pregnancy.
Intentionally getting pregnant so you can get someone to marry you-common!
Do you REALLY think that you have no other quality that would make someone fall in love and spend a life with you but someone’s DNA in your womb? Why is your opinion about your own self that low?
Even of you get married that way, you think that’s a success?An accomplishment? Once you receive sense you will understand that marriage is not a FINAL GOAL, it’sit’s just a BEGINNING of a whole new chapter with challenges its own where you would need a constant support, understanding, and compromise for sake of having a peace of mind. So how you think someone who doesn’t give a damn about you will help you build a good, happy life? You will suffer, even more, every day of your life..but hey, you are married, point proven right? Your church members and your village is happy with you, what more could be more important than that?
You can’t force someone into marriage. I mean you can but you can’t force them into loving you. No amount of “wife matter” skills, cooking skills, voodoo, juju, blackmails, manipulations or threats can grant you a happy life with someone who does not care about your well being.
Secondly, I feel bad and embarrassed on a behalf of the whole womanhood when I see you acting like man is doing you a favor by generously deciding to make you his wife. Like WTF? Is that why you want to kill yourself trying to impress with cooking and cleaning for someone who is not even sure of acknowledging you as his girlfriend so you can make them see “how good you are” and how much of a “wife material” you are.
Why do you constantly throw your efforts,your best at someone who might not be interested to know (not even handle) your worst? Don’t you think that the best of you should be kept for someone who cares about you and who accepts and loves you just the way you are?
Again. What exactly is marriage?
All you want is a celebration and a piece of paper aka marriage certificate?
It’s a life, emotions, care, understanding, encouragement, support, passion and moments you guys share together that really matters and somehow people just do not even think about it. All this can’t be faked all because your friends got married and you feel left out.
I am married,even thou I thought I was never going to get married simply because I did not believe in an institution of marriage because I saw how many people do live a very miserable lives just for sake of having a “correct” picture of society and prove that their life is also “to the book” like it “suppose” to be.
What I understand now is that is most of people do marry for a very wrong reasons, mostly for approval they seek from people around them, to avoid being judged or criticized.
They settle and that is why they are not happy and that is why marriage seems so be so damn boring most of the times when you look from the outside.
I love my husband more then I can express, of course, we have ups and downs, but our foundation is unbreakable. Why? Because he first got to know my worst, he did not run because I did not appear as a Virgin Mary, instead he was wise enough and saw my best through it and brought it out of me. We were real. No sugar coating,no “wife material” pretending. I was just me,he was just him and that is what makes us fall in love with each other every day. I call it spiritual ,emotional and mental nakedness.
Marriage certificate itself is so irrelevant in a life we share together. Focus on right things and you will have them.
Focus on formalities and that’s all you gonna get-a boring formal life.
Most of all, know your worth. He will want to spend his life with you because you are a magical woman,a blessing,the most beautiful good luck charm in his life. A Queen. Not a desperate housewife that wanted to get married by fire by force because she is “not getting any younger”.
Be patient, believe, love yourself and never settle.
The best is yet to come.
Sonia Ogbonna is a Business Woman, Relationship Expert, Motivational Speaker and Life Coach
Blog – ogbonnasonia.blogspot.com.ng
Instagram – instagram.com/sonialareinaa