Laurie Idahosa is the wife of Bishop Feb Idahosa, the son of late Bishop Benson Idahosa.
Five years after her marriage with her husband, they were were told by a doctor that there was a 99.99 per cent chance that they would not have a child.
The couple decided to do the IVF procedure, and they went through the process four times with each process costing $25, 000.
At the fifth procedure, Laurie got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
Unfortunately, in the early hours of the next morning, the couple were woken up to their child, who suddenly went lifeless. Despite hours of prayers from friends, family members and church members, they lost their child.
“I remember thinking he’s gonna come back to life. we can’t have these many people praying and he dies, its not possible. And so for a while, I was in denial and I just kept thinking he’s gonna wake up because I thought this can’t be. We can’t have gotten this far after so many years and we still lose our child,” Laurie said.
Thankfully, a few months after they lost their child, Laurie became pregnant without any medical intervention and today, she has three handsome sons.
In a chat with LIB TV, Laurie takes us through her journey to motherhood and her experience with delay in an African society.
The first five years of her marriage
The first five years didn’t go the way I originally planned. I was kind of independent when I was in America. I moved out of my parent’s house when I was 17. So, I came over here and I began to live in a family house which is a very big shift for me, thankfully, within the first year, we moved into our own home and have our own space.
Within the first five years, I had expected to start having children, so, I thought, get married, the one year anniversary, dedicate the baby and do all those kind of things but it didn’t work out like that. We didn’t get pregnant right away, we had some challenges, so, those first five years were a transition period for me because it didn’t follow the path that I had planned but I was able to experience more of the Nigerian culture than I would have if I had just followed the path.
I had to experience what it is to go through challenges in Nigeria, what it is to disappoint people in Nigeria and I liked the life, it helped me to be a stronger person.
Family reaction to not having a baby on time
That’s so interesting because family is so broad in Nigeria. My American perspective of family is just basically means the brothers and her sisters and so, left to his mother and sisters, I was fine. They didn’t disturb me at all, they never once came to me and started asking me whats going on.
In fact, I even offered them information where they probably didn’t want to know. So, it was okay with the family.The extended family of course started asking some questions, they started looking but we were able to navigate it together as a couple.
On the process of having a child
Getting to the IVF that worked was tough. Each IVF cost us about $25,000. We did them in America because at the time, we were not telling anybody what we were going through. So, we did our first IVF and we expected it to work but it failed. We did our second and at that point I was selling properties to try and make up for the next because I didn’t believe in using church money for personal use.
Mys stomach started having this bloated look and I was looking like I was three to four months pregnant because of all the injections and all the things that go on with the infertility and so people kept looking at me and felt I was pregnant and touching my belly. So, every time we did it, it failed and it was a huge disappointment and a big blow to us.
And finally, at our fifth time, we did the IVF in New York and that time, it was a little bit expensive but it was worth it. we did it and we finally got pregnant and we carried that pregnancy like an egg. We took care of the pregnancy to the tip. I did everything I was supposed to do and we delivered the baby through cesearean section.
The doctors told us they were going to monitor the baby for 24 hours and hand him over to us after then. Then, we were woken up the next morning that our baby wasn’t doing so well and we saw them doing CPR on my baby. I had no idea what was going on. There were needles all over his body. We called many people and told them to pray for us.
But we were told that the baby had died. We were taking to a room where I’m crying and in the back of my mond, I though my baby was still going to wake up. The nurse came in and said I should hold my baby and he was dead. They brought in my dead baby and that was the first time I held him because after the c-section, I didn’t get a chance to hold him. First time I held my baby in my arms, he was already dead. This was my dream baby, the child I thought was going to change the world. we named him Benson Idahosa because we were so sure he was gonna be the next Benson Idahosa but he was gone.
At the same time that I was in this denial, I had this faith rise up in me that I’m going to have my children. So, we buried our child and we had over 1,000 people come for the funeral. The pastor that held the funeral service told us that God was going to give us a child but I was angry because he knew about our journey and I felt he could have just told me personally instead of giving a prophecy that people would blame me for if it doesn’t come to pass.
A few months later, without doctors, without any injection, without any IVF, without any intervention whatsoever, I did a pregnancy test because I wasn’t seeing my period and it was positive.