Omobolanle Adeyemo, popularly called Omoby, and her husband, Temitope, were classmates at the Federal University of Akure, but they became friends through a mutual friend of theirs.
They became closer when she realised he was brilliant and focused. At their 300 level, Temitope asked her out but she was reluctant because she had no idea how a relationship in school would not affect her studies.
However, after much persuasions from friends, she reluctantly agreed. The couple were 21 and 22 years old respectively when they started their relationship.
Thankfully, Temitope was a virgin and upheld an idea of ‘no sex until marriage,’ something that was a major attraction for Omoby.
After 11 years of friendship and 8 years of courtship, Omoby and Temitope tied the knots without pre-marital sex.
Now Omobolanle Awoyemi, she tells Sola Abe, in this interview for woman.ng that the journey to abstaining from sex was not easy but was worth it.
How she was able to abstain
The first thing that helped us was the similar values of not defiling each other, so it was easy. It was already ingrained in our subconscious that anything that you will do that make the other person feel unsafe, you don’t do it. When he started kissing me and I started feeling unsafe, I told him about it and we stopped.
Also the decision to abstain was independent of each other. We were not doing it because of each other, so, it was also very easy.
We also created specific boundaries. There were somethings we said we would not do. We will not engage in petting, fingering or any activity that will cause one party to feel uncomfortable.
We agreed to look out for each other asides looking out for myself. For example, I will not dress provocatively, I will not say things that would spur his sexual emotions. My husband told me that it was a choice for him regardless of what the society said.
If she was not scared he was involved with someone else
No I was not and it never even crossed my mind. His truthful personality had been evident while we were friends.. Asides that, he has good friends. Many of our friends are people that also believed in the same values. Although, he had a friend that didn’t really subscribe to our notion but we were not allowed to accept his belief into us. We knew where we had to draw the line.
At no point was I ever scared because his fruits had already proved that he was a good person from a good family. Asides that, I looked at what he is despite what he claimed to be, how he reacts in situations and who he is beyond all he told me.
Moreover, a friend also advised me to know him independently of what he told me, do a conscious study, a conscious knowing and investigate him critically. She mentioned specifically his church, background and values. I investigated. I asked people. I opened my eyes. I ensured I was comfortable with all I found out.
If she ever felt like masturbating at the time
I was almost at the verge of doing that but one thing that helped me was that I spoke about my struggles.There were several people at different points in my life that I spoke to.
I told some of my friends that it looks like this virginity thing is not easy, it looks like an easier route is to masturbate. At any point I wanted to fall into that trap, I always had help. I told my husband, I told my pastor and I also read books. Pastor Bimbo Odukoya’s book on, “How to avoid Masturbating” helped me a lot.
Then there was a time I woke up and I was feeling very horny. I prayed to God and suddenly the urge disappeared. Prior to this time, I had learnt how to request for God’s help, how to come into his presence without shame.
We always asked for God’s help. It was always a simple prayer of telling God to help us not to complicate our lives with premarital intimacy.
If he met her expectations after marriage
Yes he met my expectations. There was a time we were talking and I asked him that some people say that they get married and their husband’s penis is very small and he said that as far as he knows, he has a normal size.
I believed him because he’s someone that gives his word. He expects you to come with him with the truth because he’s also someone that tells the truth. I used other areas to find out if he was lying. In his finances, he would hardly tell you something that is not true, if he’s somewhere, he will tell you exactly where he is, so I knew he’s someone who is trustworthy with his sexuality.
What single ladies should do if the man they want to date insists on sex
I’d like to admit that some men are sexually active but they do not mind their women being sexually inactive. Now you have to find out where he stands. Is it that he’s exploring and its fun to him? I also understand that some people do these things just to have fun, they are not bad people but they just want to enjoy life.
Is it that if you tell him what you want to do, he will agree with you and will also make that decision himself or is he that he’ll shame you, look down on you, and criticise you? You have to know where he stands.
For guys who don’t believe in virginity or celibacy, I’d advise that you to stop such relationship because it is not easy for one party to desire celibacy/sexual purity and the other party does not. One thing that helped us was that both of us were walking in the same direction.
It would have been very difficult for me if I was doing mine and he was not doing his because at some point, he would have pulled me down or I’d have pulled him up but it would be difficult for me to pull him up.
If you cannot break the relationship, then you have to take several doses of self-control. When you’re with your partner, you have to always be on guard. I have to admit here that, it is often not easy. Many young girls I have counselled, eventually fell into the trap against their own will.
Misconceptions about virginity
Some girls think that everything they have to bring to the table is just their virginity, which is one misconception I see among young people. The truth is that your virginity will finish after your wedding night or within three months. So, if your virginity is all you’re bringing and not your intelligence and character, you will be a foolish virgin and even the bible preaches against it.
Another misconception is that if I don’t have sex now, I would become a novice on my wedding night. This perspective emphasizes a desire on the part of an individual not to appear like a sexual novice on the wedding night. Those who advocate this say that it’s better to have enough sexual experience prior to marriage so that one brings practice, not theory to the initial sexual encounter in marriage.
Unfortunately, the body is designed to perform sexually and will do so given the opportunity. This is not to say that sexual skill cannot be gained through experience. It is to say that every skill acquired by humans must have a beginning point. If the idea of two virgins on their wedding night brings amusement to our minds instead of admiration, it is actually a sad commentary on how far we have slipped as individuals and as a culture.
It must be emphasized again that healthy sexual adjustment depends much more on communication than technique.
World-famous sex therapists believe that nothing good is going to happen in bed between a husband and wife unless good things have been happening between them before they go into bed. There is no way for a good sexual technique to remedy a poor emotional relationship.
In other words, a deeply-committed couple with no sexual experience is far ahead of a sexually-experienced couple with shallow and tentative commitment, as far as the marriage’s future sexual success is concerned.
Another misconception is that having sex helps us to find out how compatible we are. Those who believe this myth say, how will I know if the shoe fits unless first I try it on? A foot stays about the same size, but the human sex organs are wonderfully stretchable and adaptable.
A woman’s vagina can enlarge to accommodate the birth of a baby or to fit a male organ of any size. Physical compatibility is 99% guaranteed, and the other 1% can become so with medical consultation and assistance. I often add that if we trust God enough, we do not have to test every man to know which fits.