Personal Stories

“I Thought I Found My Soulmate At 21 But It Was All A Lie” – Tosin Shares How She Unknowingly Dated A Married Man


Is it possible to be in a relationship with a married man and not know? Some women say it is not possible, but for women like Tosin  Adeoye who have experienced it first hand, things are not always what they seem to be.


In a series of tweets, she shared her unpalatable experience to warn other young ladies not to fall prey of the act.

She tweeted,

I’m not an advocate for “men are scum” but I’ve had my fair share. Almost got engaged to a married man around this time last year.

Few weeks after my birthday last year, I performed a spoken word at an event in Transcorp. At the end of the event, I heard someone call me

As I turned to see who it was, I literally melted. This man was the finest peice of art I’ve seen in a while, with the brightest smile

We got talking, exchanged contacts and all, I barely listened to what he was saying, I was love struck. We started talking and all.

Few months into talking we decided to take it up a notch, I mean this guy checked most of the boxes, I was his queen(so I thought)

He treated me right, the way any girl that knows her worth will love to be treated. It was intense, it was what I hoped for, I was in love..

He loved everything I enjoyed doing, there was never a dull moment, we were both extremely adventurous people, it was fun and exciting..

We were both intelligent people, so it was always fun challenging each other intellectually,nothing sexier than that to me….

See also: 7 Naija Women Tell Us If It Is Possible To Date A Married Man Without Knowing

So we are dating and this relationship was perfect, we were some people’s “goals”. It was everything I wanted until it went south..

He started acting up, no calls and texts. He wouldn’t take my calls. I felt terrible, I was convinced I offended him, kept trying for a week

Finally he came around and said work was kicking him in the ass blah blah, off course I bought the lies, I just wanted my Prince Charming

Things were smooth, until he started being sneaky around me, excusing himself to answer calls and all, I didn’t pay much attention to it.

One day we were supposed to have dinner and he stood me up, no call or text. I called and texted no reply, I was so angry I fell asleep.

I woke up to a text from a friend, saying how she ran into him at Trukadero and he was with another girl, I told her they were friends

He finally sends those cute morning texts, I’m like no way, you stood me up blah blah, finally mentioned the girl he was with….

He laughed and said she was from work blah blah, And the meeting was last minute that’s why he stood me up. I’m like okay, we move…

Now I’m getting suspicious, but I’m too lazy for those FBI stuff. Didn’t go through his phone. Was just observing and monitoring him

Fast forward….. Saturdays were for hiking and getting super high. Until one Saturday he said he wasn’t interested in doing anything

That passed, we continue our love journey together fast forward to September, he brought up marriage and all that…..

I wasn’t ready for marriage last year(still not ready) I told him and he said cool but we could just be engaged and get married later

He got my ring size but I didn’t know when the engagement was going to happen…. one Saturday we went hiking his car developed a problem

He had to be at a meeting so I said he could leave and I will sort out the car problem, after some hours the car was fixed…

I was driving it back to his place when I was stopped by police. Asking for documents and all as I reached to get the car documents….

Diapers fell out. Wait wtf? I was shocked, sorted police out and left. Later that day I asked about the diapers and he lied about it.

I knew in my guts that he was lying…. but I let it slide. He started being uncomfortable around me since that day. I just shoved it aside

The next day I ran a into my brothers friend and we got talking,he mentioned that he’s been seeing my picture on his friends(my boo) IG page

I was like yeah, I never knew you two were friends, blah blah, he was uncomfortable I could tell. I saw my boo that same day and told him

He said they used to be classmates in secondary school etc. that passed. I saw my brothers friend that same week…

We got talking and then he asked my view on girls that date married men… shared my views and then he knew that I truly didn’t know….

He now told me that, he has to break the bro code because of my brother blah blah, he showed me pictures of my Prince Charming……

Showed me his wedding pictures and also picture of his son, his family was abroad. I literally died on the inside. I became cold.

I was heartbroken, I hated him instantly. I was still in shock and trying to process everything when his call came in.. dinner was in view

Apparently that was the Proposal day.. picked me up for dinner. I was normal, as we settled he started talking about how he much he loves me

And how that day he was going to make me his wife, I just had to stop him and asked about his family. He denied it… I was just smiling

He was forming upset, I just showed him pictures of his wedding and his family. He was dumbfounded, few minutes he said he wanted to explain

I just burst out in tears, the guts he had trying to cook up more lies, he placed the ring on the table and said….

He was actually going to propose but I ruined everything. I just stood up and left. He became dead to me, he was non existent.

I got home called our mutual friends and casually brought up his marriage and they all had the same response “no he’s not married”

I told them and that was when we realized he had a total different identity in Abuja, except his name.

I was mad at myself because It was my first time giving love a chance and it totally ruined me. I was miserable for days….

I thought I found my soulmate at 21 but it was all a lie. Finally told my sister and friends that knew about the relationship….

I couldn’t forgive him or myself because he was someone’s husband and father. Something died inside of me.

Thanks to my sister, @tee_whhyy , Sarah and Amara. They saw me through the trying times.

My experience changed my views on ladies dating married men, some of them might not have known like me. Zero judgement.

Please people if you’re with someone and they give you any reason to doubt them, please trust your instincts and investigate. Lol.

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