Learning To Unlearn…


By Shade Mary-Ann Olaoye

You love your mother, you really do but for some reasons, you can not help but accommodate a little disdain in your heart, particularly for the choices she made.

She married wrong. You do not sugar coat it, you do not pretend or make up excuses because it is what it is and she realizes that fact. So, your years are filled with the potholes of a home that, “what will people say”, “the pastor said” keeps holding together. There by, refusing to accept the fact that some broken things can never be mended.

That you have seen too many heart breaks, heard many arguments, until you, unconsciously at first, then with assertiveness and certainty believe that nothing good will ever come out from relationships and ultimately marriage.

But you learn to unlearn. Every experience, every night you have gone to bed wishing that it will all end has taught you something, something you will tell your daughter and the ones that will come after her.

Love a short man, a man short on cash but do not love a man with a short temper.

Accept when things have fallen and the center can no longer hold especially by your tears.

Do not welcome men who take the wrong route to your heart because they will never get there.

Be stingy with your happiness and love; do not compromise the first and learn to shower the second on yourself (first).


Shade Mary-Ann Olaoye is a writer and journalist with hopes that her words will change the next person. You can find her on Facebook as Shade Mary-Ann Olaoye.

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