Personal Stories

The Diary of a Frustrated Nigerian Daughter


By Adesete Dorcas

I don’t need to remind you of what it takes to be born into a Nigerian home. As a boy or girl, there are certain things expected from you at a certain age. It has become a must that from age 22-35, you ought to have amassed a lot of wealth, or gotten married with lots of grandchildren for the Nigerian parent.

It is worse with a female child. Out of experience so far, 80% females have been frustrated at home from age 22. We now see parents expecting us to bring our supposed “oko” home as long as you have completed your higher education.

Any guy seen with you would pass as a potential husband, as long as your neighbour or friends child just got married too…you are eligible also.

Dear parents, the fact that back then in your generation, you were allowed to get married at younger ages, doesn’t mean we have to follow same steps. Our age and time differs. We didn’t just go to school to get marital fulfilment. What happened to our dreams and ambitions? What happened to our career goals?

All you want is to be celebrated in the society as a parent who is sending their children off! It is time you listen to us too. The time has come for us to stop getting pressurized into the wrong things…

Most marriages fail due to lack of emotional maturity. What if I am not ready to be a wife? What if that guy I am dating, still needs to be checked? What if I am not happy in my relationship? What if he is not my soul mate? What ifs and ifs. Yet you don’t care about this things, all you care about is “when are you getting married”. We hurt every time you do this and it needs to stop!!

Many parents no longer care about the ultimate goal of every marriage – Happiness and fulfilment. All they care about is your age…it is that time you will begin to hear words like “you are getting old, your younger ones are married, you are looking fat, and so on…'”

It really ain’t funny anymore that our parents still do these things, they end up pushing us into the wrong relationships, which is why we see lots of broken marriages today.

Dear ladies, let us learn to make our own decisions without being influenced by our parents opinions. It is their mouth, let them say. But its your future, not theirs.

You can do it without having to marry someone to please your parents. They can only make a wedding possible for us, but not the marriage.

We can make it. We have role models who have made it without rushing into marriage… Look them up, and be your own role model.

I can’t write much right now, but I believe we know how it feels to be a Nigerian daughter.

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