Thunder Fire You, Officer


I was hurrying to tell the doctors to stop prescribing a certain drug we had run out of when I saw her. Actually, it was the wrapper around her waist that stopped me, it was green with birds on it, my late grandmother had the same wrapper.

She was walking with the help of a quadpod walking stick and the tiny hair that refused to be tucked under her matronly scarf reminded me of my grandma’s tufts of hair and my edges that do not know what the word behave means.

Good afternoon Mma, where are you going?” I sang in rusty Mbaise dialect.

I want to ease myself before they call me, I’m just coming and it will take a while before they call me” She replied with a flow I still envy.

Let me take you to the doctor” I said briskly and led her back. I found her a quick spot on the queue and went inside to tell the doctors to halt prescribing the said drug. I went to my favourite “wanna, gonna” doctor- dude is so thorough and committed to his patients that I want to only ever meet him in a hospital. I told him I’m bringing her to him and told him she reminded me of my grandmother.

So, you’re adopting her,” he mused and I smiled at him and patted his shoulder.

I went out to ensure that a nurse saw her, finagled an attending sheet from a nurse I’m friendly with (the sheets had ‘finished’), stood in the rain and holding the canopy over her head while her vitals were taken. I took her to where her blood sugar was tested, before taking her to the doctor.

When you’re done, come to the pharmacy and ask of Adaeze” I told her as I guided her to her seat.

The mad crush at the pharmacy made me forget about Mama. During lunch, I sat with a police officer who insists that I marry him by force, even though he undoubtedly has a wife and at least seven girlfriends.

I felt someone rub my left shoulder, it was Doctor “WG”. I smiled and asked if he’d had lunch, I’d seen him earlier, he’d tapped me when I went into the enclosure that served as lunch area.

“See my wife, she no fine?” The police officer cut in as he shook the doctor’s hand.

That’s wonderful, I’ll be the Justice of the Peace that conducts the ceremony” I made faces at the officer’s back and thought “these Americans, their blood too dey hot

I haven’t seen Mama yet” I asked.

Oh! I cut the queue and got her the drugs myself, since you said she’s your grandmother” I smiled at him, I knew it wasn’t because of me, he did that for all his frail patients- like I said the dude is conscientious.

Thank God” I breathed and he looked at me sharply.

Thank you!” I said again, he smiled and it was so beatific that I smiled too, we were basking in that perfect moment when

Why you dey smile with my wife” the officer’s rough voice shattered the spell

“WG” raised his hands in surrender and walked away while I mouthed “thunder fire you” to the officer’s green covered back.


Writer – Adaeze Ezenwa is Jesus’s BAE, Mbaise Tigress, Uniben Certified Drug Pusher aka Pharmacist, Writer. Blogger. Content Creator, Lover and Fighter.

Blog – chynanu.wordpress.com

Twitter – @chynanu

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