Personal Stories

Young Woman Recounts Her Experience Of The “Rape And Beg” Trend By A Male Friend

   

There is a new trend said to be going on in the society now, especially in Nigerian universities, where a man rapes a woman and then begs her afterwards. The criminal act is referred to as ‘rape and beg movement.’

To confirm it, a twitter user, @udala_ recounted how she went to spend the night at a male friend’s house and he ended up raping her.

While many have criticised her about going to sleep at a guy’s house, some are of the opinion that sleeping at his house is not a consent to be raped especially when both parties had agreed it was a platonic meeting.

 

She tweeted,

I met this guy through someone I considered my best friend, who in turn met him through her own boyfriend. He had previously come to see me in school with the two of them, bought me dinner, etc, we talked and I thought he was a nice guy so we became friends over a short time

Me and my best friend had talked about going to see him and spend the weekend at his place because school was boring and he had free Wi-Fi etc, she went to his place a number of times and I never had time because school work was hectic. Finally, one Saturday I had time.

It’s sad that I no longer have screenshots of my chat with him, but we agreed that I would spend the night with him and be back the following day. And we did agree that I was visiting on a strictly platonic level.

He even made me feel a bit foolish for suggesting that he’d want sex if I visit, so I assumed he was sane. He ordered an uber and I was on my way.

Uber got to the Island and got lost looking for his house, we finally found him and he asked the uber to drop us at the closest domino’s. It was already late by now and domino’s was nearly closing. We ordered pizza and ice cream and waited for another uber.

By the time we got to his place I was already sleepy, and he didn’t seem to find any entertainment (we were supposed to watch HTGAWM online but he couldn’t find a good site) so I just decided to eat and sleep. We were on the same bed but slept on opposite sides at first

See also: Should This Woman Face Murder Charges For Accidentally Killing A Man Who Was About To Rape Her

But then he started getting all cuddly and I wasn’t comfortable for a number of reasons, so I pushed him away a couple of times. Then he begged and said it would just be cuddling and I let him.

Didn’t take too long for cuddling to become another thing, started touching sensitive areas of my body and moving down my pants. It wasn’t even hard for him because I removed my jeans and changed into shorts. The entire time I’m pushing him away, he’ll pause, then continue

Got to a point I left the bed for him, I even told him I’ll be just as comfortable sleeping in the bath tub, then he came back and begged me to sleep on the bed again. So I did, and he left me for a while.

But again he started touching me, took off the shorts completely and started giving me oral, that’s when I really started struggling and fighting him off, mostly because I had a boyfriend and I never wanted it to get to that point.

Didn’t take long for him to slide in, there was already saliva all over my vagina, and from there crying and begging couldn’t help me. He was looking at me the entire time, but it was like my face was invisible. He didn’t stop until he came. Then when he was done he left me

Then he started begging me, telling me he never planned for this to happen, and that he really likes me and he just wanted to spend time with me. After a while I left the corner where I had been crying and I went and locked myself in his bathroom. He started calling and texting

Threatening to break down the door so we can talk. Talk about what? The following day was Sunday, I came out before 7 I think. Spent the night in the bathroom blaming myself, wondering what I’ll tell my boyfriend, etc. When I came out he continued his epistle from last night.

Telling me he likes me etc. I told him to call me an uber, he did. I didn’t say anything to him, I do swear that I would shame him, for me it was just “pass my card. Pass my jeans” etc. I didn’t even know what to say, or if talking was even enough.

Before I left he gave me money for uber and postinor. I got to school and went to church. Came back and after a while I told my boyfriend and we talked about it, and I had to go around the hostel pretending I didn’t know why my eyes were swollen.

I blocked him. I told my friend about it, and instead of her to relate with me and be understanding, she started investigating me, making me blame myself and doubt the validity of my story.

Instead of confronting him herself, she made me unblock him so she could hear his explanation. She made me reach out to my rapist, I don’t know which is more traumatic between being raped and being forced to reach out to the rapist.

Too bad she’s not on twitter, but I’ll still mention him. When I reached out to him he said I’m painting him as a villain, and I actually let him know that I can take action against him, not as a threat, but as a fact. He kept saying he never intended for it to happen

He had the guts to ask if we could still be cool. I actually regret not speaking up early, this happened in June this year. When I had enough of his excuses I blocked him again. I’ve since lost that number so he can’t contact me on it.

He kept saying he never intended for it to get this far and that this looks like a setup. Ok.

Ladies and gentlemen, the man I’m referring to is @unilagolodo I know a lot of you follow him. You’d know him.

I’m tired of trying to forgive something like this. I deserve peace too, before I’ll hear one day that he’s happily married, and the wound opens up all over again. I feel like if I come out with this, I’ll feel like a little justice has been done.

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5 Comments

5 Comments

  1. Selena Mammy

    Selena Mammy

    December 13, 2017 at 4:14 am

    But to me you are so stupid,how can you have a boyfriend,then you spend the night with a male friend, don’t you know it’s will happen, your friend knows it’,it was a set up, but you are foolish,she even has upper hand,to tell you to unblock him,are you so naive,omg

    • Chinelo Sandra Konwea

      Chinelo Sandra Konwea

      December 13, 2017 at 5:08 am

      I do agree that it was not a smart decision to go spend the night at a male friends house,but the name calling is over the top. I think she has been ‘punished’ enough already. Please cut her some slack.

    • Benita Obinyan

      Benita Obinyan

      December 13, 2017 at 9:22 am

      Chinelo Sandra Konwea… thank you for your comments..i really dont know why its so easy for people to judge others so easily. Certainly Jesus didnt teach us dat. He taught us to love others with their faults and mistakes. He showed it with d life he lived and even at his death. She made a mistake she knows .Her story is out here to teach others so no one goes tru what she did. And all u can do is abuse her? Havent you made a mistake dat u regret till today? Please my people let us learn to truly love others faults and all. And most importantly learn to correct others though firmly but with love. My dear poster move on knowing It is well with you.

    • Karen Aigbokhan

      Karen Aigbokhan

      December 13, 2017 at 9:34 am

      The insults are absolutely unnecessary. You can pass your message across without using them.

  2. Karen Aigbokhan

    Karen Aigbokhan

    December 13, 2017 at 9:33 am

    This is disheartening. However, I want to believe she has taken responsibility for her own faults. No one supports rape but in this case, in a little way, she had a role to play. I admire her bravery in talking it through with her boyfriend. That was courageous.
    Having said this, let me add that ladies should please be very careful of who we visit or do sleep overs with. I’m not exactly in support of sleep over by the way (I love my bed space too much to give it up for another bed). Having known someone for less than a year (or even more in some cases) you’ve no business doing sleep overs especially with someone that lives ALONE. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. There’s nothing wrong in going out and spending time together rather than going to sleep over. Oh yes, we take the risk at times but it’s not worth it biko. If the guy insists that it must be his house and no where else, forget about him!
    Let’s be disciplined. #saynotorape

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