“Marriage ruins a woman’s life,” a twitter user, @ozzyetomi said and it generated a lot of conversations online.
In a series of tweets, @ozzyetomi explained how men are always laid back when they are married and leave the responsibility of raising and caring for the children to the woman, giving her little or no time to herself.
She suggested that married couples live like separated but active co-parents, so that each person can have time for themselves, which makes for happier parents and healthier marriages.
According to her, only then can men wake up to their responsibilities.
While some people supported her thoughts, not many agree with her. According to some, couples have to be together for the sake of the children.
Another twitter user, @jeje_baby, however said that, “I get your frustration but single motherhood is not the solution, even with a great co-parent. We need to raise awareness -and OUR EXPECTATIONS- of our men so that they step up within marriage, rather than advocating against marriage itself.”
What do you think? We will like to know your opinion.
If married couples shared the child rearing load like 2 separated but active co-parents, married women would be much happier and marriages would be better. Hear me out:
I recently had dinner with a friend who is an unwed mom but with a responsible, actively involved co-parenting ex. In our discussions, she was mapping out her year, including vacations she planned to take + work trips.
The reason she could do this is because even though she is the primary caretaker, they had already discussed and agreed on the weekends and holidays he would be taking the child. The irony is that I was unable to do what she was doing: map out my year, work OR travel plans.
Over the Christmas break, her ex took the child on a 2 weeks vacation. She had time off from work. She was able to kick her feet up, unwind, have fun, relax, sleep, have HER time to recharge before her child returned and the school + work year kicked off…
Married women, even with men who think they are good partners or fathers, hardly are able to have time to themselves because there is hardly any scenario in which a husband would take the kids on his own and go on holiday. And family time = no rest for mom.
This was evidenced by a particular week in December, my husband had to travel to London for work. He was meant to be gone for 48 hours but somehow, the trip became one week long. Even though he was there for work, he got a chance to relax in his flat by himself….
Go to dinner with his friends, and just generally be in a nice easy environment. That same week, I had organized for my son to spend the the weekend with my older sister because I planned to be a slay queen and catch some cool fun.
Husband comes back the night before son is meant to leave. Attempts to throw up a fuss, that he had missed the baby and wanted him home for the weekend. A weekend, that the nanny was going to be off. Bro.
What will happen in that scenario: My husband wants to “play” with the baby, and have him around, but I would end up picking up most of the slack and dousing most of the fires & doing things my husband has no idea how to do like make him eat when hes being fussy etc
This is what happens in most domestic situations: Women end up picking up most of the physical & emotional labor, even w/ “good” husbands. When husbands are involved, wives still have to be involved. But women can be involved w/o men being involved. Its all such bullshit.
The end of that story is that my son definitely went to my sister and I went on to fulfill my destiny as Slayozzy cos mama don’t play those self sabotaging games. Anyway, long story short, I envy women who can send their kids away for the summer and get their lives.
The point I was originally trying to make: When men want to be involved in their children’s lives but don’t have the crutch of a wife to fall back on, they are forced to step up and independently care for their children sans their mother.
Marriage makes men’s lives easier because makes them extremely lazy co-parents with the excuse of focusing on work and ‘providing’. Patriarchy makes it acceptable for fathers to assume the role of secondary parenting & wives can never catch a break.
These are just more of the ways marriage ruins a woman’s life. My vote is for single motherhood with an active and participating father. For women who also take care of their husbands like babies, this is a +++
The point is for married couples to take turns in making sure their partners have adequate breathing time esp in regards to childcare which makes for happier parents and healthier marriages. Aka men pull your weight.