#SheSaidThis

You Need To Consider These Things Before Marrying Outside Your Race Or Tribe

   

Love is one of the major things couples consider before getting married but this Kenyan twitter user, @hereforbantz says there are many other things to be considered.

Although, they might look insignificant, they can be one of the most problematic things to happen in such union.

SEE ALSO: An Interview With Eniola Adeniji – The Woman Encouraging Other Women In Abusive Marriages Through Her Story, That They Can Start Again And Make A Better Meaning Of Their Lives

Narrating the story of 10-year old student, who is half Nigerian and Palestinian, @hereforbantz explained that the young girl was never proud of her father’s country.

“I’m not really Nigerian, I’m more Arab, being arab is better Miss Yasmin,” the young girl once said. Meanwhile, her mother is not helping matters as she encourages the attitude of her daughter.

She tweeted,

I personally believe raising children in a interracial marriage is a very huge responsibility and I’ll explain why… So this girl I used to tutor who was 10 at the time had a Palestinian mother and Nigerian father… The mum was very adamant with the children learning Arabic…

The mother would always make comments like “my children look Sudanese”, “they’re not as dark as my husband” and “alhamdulillah they look mixed”.

The only thing Nigerian about these children was every now and then they’d eat jollof rice. So one day when I was tutoring the girl and some other kids one child must’ve asked the girl “what country are you from?” I was actually really saddened at her response.

This girl said she was fully Palestinian with her chest!! Obviously she doesn’t look full Palestinian so the other kids were like “are both your parents Palestinian” and that’s when she rolled her eyes and whispered “no my dads Nigerian”.

I had to take her outside and talk to her. I was like “why didn’t you tell your friends that you’re half Nigerian” and she literally said “ I’m not really Nigerian I’m more Arab, being arab is better Miss Yasmin”. I was SHOCKED. This girls mother has actually poisoned her.

Imagine a 10 year old dismissing a whole ethnicity based on the fact her mother has taught her racism. Wallahi I felt disgusted, I told her that Nigeria is a beautiful country with beautiful people and how she should be proud of being black.

She didn’t really care for what I had to say as I could tell from her body language. Before sending her back to class I just said “you’re BOTH Nigerian and Palestinian and you should always be proud of where you come from”

SEE ALSO: “The Biggest Myth People Hold About Marriage Is That They Live Happily Forever After”- Dakore Egbuson-Akande On What Really Makes Marriage Work

Me being me I couldn’t let this go and I REAAALLLY wanted to meet her dad after the class was over. So I kept the girl back and waited for the dad to come and see me.

The dad came in and starts speaking full on Yoruba to the girl and the girl would only respond to her father in Arabic. At this point I realised the father wasn’t the problem here but it was the mother.

I pray this girl grows up to find self love as I wholeheartedly believe that she has become the result of her mother’s ignorance. I don’t know where the girl or the family are anymore as when I stopped tutoring I lost all contact with them.

Marrying outside your race is beautiful but can be one of the most problematic things ever. How do you raise an individual to be proud of both cultures ensuring one doesn’t dominate over the other? Its all fun and games fetishising over an ethnicity until a new life is involved.

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