Naija Women Tell Us

10 Naija Women Tell Us Why Some Women Stay In Abusive Relationships


Sometimes, its hard to understand why a woman would want to continue with an abusive partner. Although, many married women claim that they are there because of their children, but what about single women who are just in a relationship and are getting battered by their partners?

So, we decided to ask some naija women why they think some women continue in toxic relationships.

10 women shared their views and some reasons are heartbreaking.


For women in abusive relationships, some have been made to see themselves as worthless by their abuser. They have a very low self esteem and self worth and look to the abuser for approval and support. Advising and getting help for people like this may take a little time and persuasion to change that strong mentality.


Some women are scared of being alone and would rather die. They are scared of starting a new relationship or that they may not be able to meet another man. Some stay because they think they have invested too much to leave like that.


A lady once told me that she enjoys it when her boyfriend beats her. She said that it makes her feel secure, knowing that she has a man around her.


I used to have a friend whose boyfriend sent to school and did virtually everything for her but abuses her. Despite pleas to leave the guy, she refused because she thinks that she owes him as the guy had given her what nobody has given her before.


Abusers don’t control only the body, they control the mind as well. They make their victim think that they can never do better, deserve better or find someone better than them. The psychological trauma of domestic violence is beyond physical trauma. Most times, the abuser transfers all his insecurities inside the head of the abused.


Most domestic violence cases are enabled by the victims because of ignorance, greed, fear of the unknown or societal pressure. Also, these abusers do not abuse everyone, they have their selective victims. A husband that slaps a wife at the slightest provocation cannot slap his female boss at the highest provocation. He has judged the wife as weak, hence the audacity to hurt her.


I know a lady who doesn’t like men that are not violent. She likes violent men because she claims that when he beats her, the sex is good and that makes her happy. So, different women have different reasons why they are in toxic relationships.


I heard a woman say, if he doesn’t beat you, he doesn’t love you. She said that when she visits her boyfriend, she intentionally starts an argument, hits him first, provokes him, does everything just to get him to beat her. So, after the beating, he’s energised to have good sex with her.


I remember one time I advised a woman whose husband beats at any slight provocation to atleast get a job so that he can respect her a bit. She asked how old I am and told me I was too young to understand. She said she’s her husband’s baby and he can correct her when she errs. I think some women just enjoy the beating.


A woman in love will never see that being beaten by her partner is an abuse. Many of them like to be beaten and pampered afterwards.



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