Everyday Living

How To Find Balance After The Passing Of A Loved One

   

The pain of losing a loved one is best felt and described by the bereaved. This loss provokes different emotional and psychological responses which typically start with denial and degenerates to anger, sadness, loneliness before acceptance which sets you on the path to recovery. Therefore, it is essential to develop effective coping mechanisms to carry on at such times.

These five steps will help you cope with your loss:

Allow yourself to feel

The first step is to let it out. Typically, most people tend to deny, avoid, suppress, or repress feelings associated with the loss of a loved one. Some even resort to drugs or alcohol to numb the pain. While these techniques may work temporarily, reality soon sets in.

Negative emotions which threaten the physical, mental, and psychological stability of the bereft include confusion, disbelief, shock, sadness, resentment, anger, guilt, regret, emptiness, and fear. You can deal with the loss by talking to a trustworthy friend with excellent listening skills, writing about it, enlisting religious support, reading books on the subject, praying, meditating; or turning to any tool that provides a positive avenue for letting your emotions out.

Take steps to fill up the void within

Losing a loved one leaves an emptiness that craves attention. This feeling of emptiness can be very intense and profound. You can find ways to fill up the void with positive activities to help you pull through such as spending extra time with your children and loved ones, resuming your hobbies, exploring the world through travels, and engaging in recreational programmes.

Replace the negative feelings with happy thoughts

Constantly relive happy memories about the departed loved one to cushion the enormity of the pain of loss. These could range from their comforting words or thoughtful actions they took to ensure financial stability for the people they care about against an eventuality such as death. Developing an attitude of gratitude helps the healing process. Write a list of positive events in your life that you are thankful for and put up in a strategic place in your environment; home of office to act as constant reminders that there is so much more to be thankful and hopeful for than your loss.

Try to grow from your loss

There is a silent message in every loss. Whether the message is for you to learn to be more resilient, to plan ahead, to be more loving and accepting, or even to learn to adjust to what you cannot change; if you can see through your pain and observe what the message is, you can grow from it.

Do the needful

Your pain is justifiable, and your loss can never be quantified, but it is important that you find time to check what your loved one left behind for the sake of his dependents. Did he/she have a will, life insurance or bank savings you didn’t know about?

Dealing with these financial and practical tasks not only provides some degree of distraction from what has happened, it also puts things in perspective for every member of the family.

If hopefully the deceased did make plans before passing, it will be a huge relief to know that a financial backbone is in place for those that depended on him/her and their lifestyle does not have to change much.

In truth, loss is not something you completely forget, but you can learn to discover new things in life, be strong and never lose hope. Remind yourself that many people have been in your situation and have been able to pass through it, and you are just as strong to do the same.

This message is brought to you by ARM LIFE.

 

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One of our favourite quotes at Woman.NG is a line from Emeli Sande’s Read All About It; “If you’ve got the heart of a lion, why let your voice be tamed?” This has inspired us to publish Nigerian women’s take on about everything. From conceiving a child to burying an old loved one and every life experience in between them - Nigerian women’s stories, opinions, issues, debates, advice, news etc. Read More >>

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