Personal Stories

The Man Who Sexually Abused Her When She Was Young Is Now Married To Her Friend. What Should She Do?


Unlike before, rape victims now have the support they need to heal, and this  encourages victims to share their story. However, not all victims want to share because they still fear being stigmatised, losing friends and getting ‘that’ stare from their family.

In fact, 23 percent of women would rather leave the issue to God than open up to anybody.

SEE ALSO: 20 Women Share Their Stories Of Sexual Abuse In Church

This data was gotten from an opinion poll take by Lola Shoneyin, a writer and the director of Ake Festival, who shared the story of her friend who was molested by another friend’s husband.

While only 20 percent will report an abuser to a police, 3 percent will drag him in a blogpost while 54 per cent will tell a friend everything.

If you were in this situation, what would yo do?

She tweeted,

6 years ago, a funky friend got married to one bloke from nowhere. They came to Nigeria on hols last Dec. Another friend saw him & ran off in tears. Apparently, bloke was a family friend who molested her when she was 4-8 y/o. Bloke and our friend now have 2 daughters. WYD?

I wanted to tell the wife (our friend) but didn’t after the survivor said it was best to let it go. Said she’d never mentioned it to husband (she’s married) nor her family and ‘didn’t want to relive the shame of it all over again’. Terrible things to know.

SEE ALSO: We’re So Pleased That This Woman Will Be Getting The Justice She Deserves After Being Sexually Assaulted By A Taxify Driver

I agonised over it for a while because I was worried that kids were at risk. Survivor also said she’d tell the Police nothing happened if i ever reported it. Then someone asked why ‘we were so eager to ruin our friend’s happiness’

Yes, and that is why the issue continues to bother me. I have immeasurable respect for people who speak out. I have first hand knowledge of how complex it is. The shame was real, especially in this space.

It’s sad too. Suggests a total absence of faith in the institutions that are meant to protect the vulnerable.

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