Do not be the last person to love yourself


Growing up, a woman is told many things. She is told how to behave, how to act, how to look, how her body should be and subsequently where to end up in which is often times, by the side of a man. But she is never told that she should love herself (first), that she should look out for herself, nourish her heart and soul, and be her lover.

A woman is her greatest lover, she is to pamper herself, treat herself right and not subject herself to anything less.

But what happens when the woman is not her lover? What happens when she feels that she is not good enough and ‘settles’ for less because some how, she believes that that is all her ‘supposedly’ not good enough body, belittling sex (which she thinks she is) can afford. The answer is this, and despite the fact that it is quite simple, it is often hard to agree with and live by.

You fall for everything and anything and most times, the bad things. You see that you are not worthy to receive love in all the right proportions because you have not given yourself any dose. So you fall, and stay fallen, for the wrong man, the abusive husband whose delight is to physically beat you and emotionally wound you until you die and your picture is all over social media, triggering a hashtag which would be better fought, you could have helped fight if you were alive.

Dear woman, do not be the last person to love yourself. Be the first because that way, you would know which love is wrong for you, which love falls below the belt (pun intended) and choose not to stay fallen.

Know that there are many days (maybe) meant for falling but not today, not now when your heart and life is on the line. Not when you are black and blue; a black eye, some broken bones and a missing tooth. Know that on no condition should you provide excuses for someone who has chosen to love you poorly.

‘… a bad temper’

‘… extremely jealous and possessive’

‘… you should have done it better’

Know that you are not made for that but rather, for your lover which is you. And what do you do to and for your lover?

You are to hold her, delicately.

Protect her, run a bath for her and pamper her,

You are to give her the best and tell that is what she is

but most importantly, you are to tell her and remind her, to not be the last person to love herself.


Shade Mary-Ann Olaoye is a writer and journalist with hopes that her words will change the next person. You can find her on Facebook as Shade Mary-Ann Olaoye.

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One of our favourite quotes at Woman.NG is a line from Emeli Sande’s Read All About It; “If you’ve got the heart of a lion, why let your voice be tamed?” This has inspired us to publish Nigerian women’s take on about everything. From conceiving a child to burying an old loved one and every life experience in between them - Nigerian women’s stories, opinions, issues, debates, advice, news etc. Read More >>

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