Queen suffered emotional trauma as a child, even though the trauma is long in the past, those emotional scars are still there. She decided to share her story to let go of some of the anger and find healing.
When I was 15, I had an abortion. 14 years later I’m still suffering from the trauma. This Thread is the major reason for opening this account. I need to share in order to let go of some of my anger and maybe heal.
I was 15 and I’ve finally decided to have sex with Nathan- my 18yr boyfriend. After many pressure from my friends and Nathan, I thought it was time. We decided to meet on a Wednesday. My dad was a pastor and my mum a deaconess, Wednesday was their prayer warrior meetings.
My only sister was 13 and won’t be a problem to leave at home and go meet Nathan for a few minutes (thinking sex shouldn’t take up to 5mins) The Sunday before the Wednesday we were supposed to meet, our plan went to dust.
We had finished our Sunday service and my dad was still counseling members that had one problem or the other. My mum was having a women’s meeting and my younger sis was engaged in a youths drama rehearsals. Mum asked me to go home and make rice
I got home and put the rice on the stove. There was electricity so I decided to iron our uniforms for the next day but first I needed to have my bath. I’d finished having my bath and was tying only a towel when I heard a knock. It was Nathan.
I smiled a welcome. He said he has seen me coming back from church alone &wanted to say hi. He lived with his brother just behind our compound. He entered into the room. I was still in my towel but I wasn’t the least uncomfortable. We’ve made out several times before&I trust him.
He helped me iron the uniforms on the bed. I went in to bring down the rice. I told him it was time to go and he asked if our rendezvous was still on. I confirmed and he asked for a goodbye kiss 5 mins later we were still making out, this time we were on the bed. Then a knock!
My tongue went dry, I thought it was my dad but then I remembered he doesn’t knock. It was Nathan’s uncle. He opened the door before I got to it, giving me just enough time to readjust my towel. Till today I still don’t know how he knew to come to my house.
He dragged Nathan off the bed, slapped him and then dragged him out of the house but not without first giving me a dirty look Later that evening, we were having dinner, my dad was still in his church clothes. We heard a knock & my dad invited the person in It was Nathan’s uncle!
The dryness returned to my tongue as he took my dad outside. 5mins later my dad stormed into the room with rage all over his face as he charged towards me. I quickly opened my mouth to explain but all I got out was a sound before his blows started raining on me.
My mum screamed as she asked him what was happening. She tried to interfere and my dad threw a stool at her. I really can’t go into details of the beating but it was the worst beating of my life. Pestle, rod, wire, then finally split my scalp with the sole of his shoe. I fainted
My father has beaten me in the past. In fact he abused me both physically and emotionally that I sometimes doubt he was my dad. You see he was a reputable pastor that believed I should be an example to both my sister and the church youths. So I get hit for the slightest reason
I went into shock and couldn’t speak for a week and 4 days. My mum had to stitch me up, she was also a nurse Now I and my mum normally see our period at the same time & I’d usually ask her for pad. The time for my period came and due to the trauma I suffered, It didn’t happen
My mum asked me but I couldn’t still speak. So they decided I was pregnant! My dad shouted at me, called me a disgrace and beat me some more. I tried to talk, I really did, to tell them I was still a freaking virgin! But my voice failed me.
One morning my mum took me to a woman. It was a four hour drive, I actually thought I was being sent away and I was happy. I was tired of being with that family! The woman however asked me to strip and lie on a table. I didn’t understand but I obeyed.
She then asked me to spread my legs and brought out this wicked looking steels. I became scared and started to struggle against the guy holding me down. “We remove baby, don’t worry, it’s like prick” the woman said in a bad English as she made to insert one of the steels.
And that was when I realized what was happening. I fought and struggled but the steel still went in and then I felt the most excruciating sharp pain ever. That was when I finally screamed out. That was when my voice finally came back. “Ah. Virgin!” Was all the woman said,
She then left hurriedly dragging the man along. Few mins later , the man came back and asked me to wear my clothes and go meet my mum. The ride back home was quiet. I was crying quietly. Till today I don’t if the woman told my mum or not. I actually stopped caring.
It’s been 14 years now. I talk to my parents, send them money, even visit them once every 3 years or so. But I hate them! Especially my dad. He ruined my life. I feel like if he had allowed me just explain myself that Sunday, my life would have taken a different shape now.
But I’m now damaged. I can’t be in a functional relationship. I actually can’t boast of any lasting relationship I’ve had. I remained a virgin till my 3rd year in the university and even after that, sex is still unbearable to me.
I can’t stand it. I feel that woman’s steel piercing me every time I’m about to have sex. One of my boyfriends actually said I made him feel like he was raping me. I need help. I’ve tried counselling, books, online articles but I still feel damaged.
I really need to let go of my anger and forgive my parents, esp my dad. Forgiving them is the only barrier in my Christianity and I think, my healing process. I just want to finally have a healthy relationship and move on. Thanks for reading.
I’ve been reading everyone’s comment and it seems it’s geared towards confronting my parents. I’ve decided to do it. I will schedule a visit and pray hard I have the courage to see it through. I really didn’t expect this generosity from you all. Thank you.