#SheSaidThis

Stella Damasus on Surviving Depression Due To the Loss of Her Brother, Husband and Father

   

Days after Kate Spade, an American fashion designer was found dead in her home, an American TV personality, Anthony Bourdain, was also found dead in his house and both incidences were described as suicidal.

Following the news about these Americans, who killed themselves as a result of depression, Stella Damasus shared her mental health story to get people to understand that depression is real.

Noting that Africans especially do not pay attention to mental health, she explained that it is very real and can lead to suicide.

SEE ALSO: “I Can Be Talking To You Now and the Next Minute, I Am Lost In Thoughts, and My Husband Did Not Notice” – Jennifer Speaks on Dealing with Depression after the Loss of Her Son

According to Stella, the death of her husband, Jaiye Aboderin in 2004, took a toll on her mental health. She was a young woman, saddled with the responsibility of caring for her two children.

She was thrown out of her home in Lekki and had to resume work to put her life together again but she was thoroughly bashed by the media. But for God, her family, friends and the thought of her daughters,  she wouldn’t have been here.

Read her story below

I have being through depression because of loss. I have lost a lot in my life. I lost my younger and only brother. I lost a husband at the age of 26 with two kids. I lost a father. I’ve lost a lot.

When I lost my late husband, I fell into depression because I was a young girl with two children. I didn’t know what to do in life because I had planned my whole life based on my husband and all of a sudden, without warning, he died. He wasn’t sick, he just died and the media decided to tear me into shreds, forgetting that I am the one that lost a husband.

So, it was like going through hell inside hell but what saved me was God and the bible that I held on to my chest. My mother looked at me and said, “no matter how long we stay with you and pet you and tell you sorry, the only comfort you can have in your spirit and in your soul, that will take over your spiritual and mental state is the grace of God. Hold on to your bible and the grace of God and he will comfort you.”

SEE ALSO: “And Did I Open Up? Yes I Did, But No One Understood Me” – Emeh Achanga Shares Her Experience With Postnatal Depression

I held on to my Bible like this and I was going to church. I thank God for the friends that were very close to me, that stayed with me through. Thank God for Benna, thank God for Kate Henshaw. Thank God for my children.

Thank God for my sisters. My sisters took turns to stay in my house for months. You know why? They were worried… “What if this girl decides to do something to herself because the pain is too much? What if this girl decides to do something to herself because even though she’s going through this? …the media are just bashing and doing their own.”

People are saying their own… I was BROKE! We had just invested all our money in a business that he was doing, because he was travelling to South Africa and back. I was broke with two children at 26, living in a rented house in Lekki.

I was kicked out of my home. I had to find another house. I had to move my two children. I had to look for a way to pay their school fees. And when I started trying to work to take care of my children, I was bashed again, “she didn’t even mourn up to one year, she didn’t even cry very well, she has started working again,” as if anybody was feeding my children.

But nobody knew what it took from me to be inside my home alone and wondering “God what is this”… Why did you take him? And why are people saying this? Why are they doing this? Don’t they understand how painful it is?” Coming out became a problem, going out and speaking to anyone became a problem.

SEE ALSO: Busola Ariyo Shares How Depression Played A Part In Her Weight Loss Journey

But you know what, in all of that…I valued my life because God gave me the life and he has not ended it. I looked at my children, I valued my children. I said I can’t leave my children. I looked at my parents, I looked at my siblings. I said, “If for nothing else, for the fact that God loves me and I have a family who has my back and very few friends who will say, you know what, “I go stay your side,” my bible pull me through.

But we didn’t know at that time that there’s something called grief counseling or a therapist, because when you say you are going to see a therapist or a psychologist in Naija, it means, “ahh you don dey craze, oh Yabaleft, oh mentally unstable.”

Watch her talk here

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107 Comments

107 Comments

  1. Amarachi Njoku

    Amarachi Njoku

    June 12, 2018 at 4:27 pm

    Ur are a true woman

  2. Omobolanle Adeyemo

    Omobolanle Adeyemo

    June 12, 2018 at 4:31 pm

    Then you stole another’s woman’s husband. 🙄🙄

    • Deborah Douglas

      Deborah Douglas

      June 12, 2018 at 4:34 pm

      My exact 💭 thought. I don’t feel for her. Does that make me bad?

    • Omobolanle Adeyemo

      Omobolanle Adeyemo

      June 12, 2018 at 4:35 pm

      Deborah Douglas neither do I o. It doesn’t make you bad one bit. Like I’m even happy all the bad things happened to her.

    • Joy Ebole

      Joy Ebole

      June 12, 2018 at 4:43 pm

      I feel her pain though but she has experienced what it means to lose someone more reason for her not to have stolen another woman’s husband

    • Temitope Grace Solomon

      Temitope Grace Solomon

      June 12, 2018 at 4:43 pm

      Really? Women against women. When will we learn to always support each other against all odds

    • Omobolanle Adeyemo

      Omobolanle Adeyemo

      June 12, 2018 at 4:45 pm

      Temitope Grace Solomon nobody is against a woman here. I would not support a woman’s wrong doing just because she’s a woman. If this is what you call woman against woman, yeah, I hold the tag proudly. You may then walk past my comment.

    • Perpetua Adannia

      Perpetua Adannia

      June 12, 2018 at 4:47 pm

      Temitope Grace Solomon which is women against women she stole someone’s husband

    • Ifeoma Zoé Okeke

      Ifeoma Zoé Okeke

      June 12, 2018 at 4:47 pm

      I’m thinking she did that bcos of the pain of losing so much. Such pain builds up resentment and hardness if you don’t deal with it properly.

      It’s well

    • Oluwafunmilayo Omotayo-Akindele Anifowose

      Uhnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnmnnnnnnnnnnnnn on d issue of stealing other people’s men.. Let’s view it from DIS angle as women.. Am lonely, needed someone real bad, den here comes a man dat cares for me, calls me, buy me things, get me all I need at Dat point I could be desperate so he asked me out n I accepted forgetting he is someone else’s man but Wat do I do cos I didn’t ask him out he came to me and why would he come to me if his woman was doing him well in all ramifications. Accepted dat men are gullible in terms of being with different women at a time but as a woman I see my man going to another woman hand, a desperate one at dat n by all standards I can beat her all I just need to do is fight back if I need him n only if I know no string attached dat it can work out if I know is not possible I let go esp if domestic violence is on d line. Let me conclude by saying DIS all our men left us for a woman to be with us cos of something differ, something unique. One way or the other we are also accused of stealing someone’s man cos our men go Don taste different women before deciding to be with us. So don’t let us always castigate our fellow women. Celebrities na DEM get pain pass cos dey have to put on fake smile in front of d camera whereas Dere is pain behind d camera

    • Kate Peter

      Kate Peter

      June 12, 2018 at 4:57 pm

      @Grace Solomon support another woman to take over another woman husband. What if it was your husband how will you feel.

    • Hilda Obidei

      Hilda Obidei

      June 12, 2018 at 5:10 pm

      Omobolanle Adeyemo why na

    • Omobolanle Adeyemo

      Omobolanle Adeyemo

      June 12, 2018 at 5:12 pm

      Hilda Obidei the thing is paining me ni.

    • Hilda Obidei

      Hilda Obidei

      June 12, 2018 at 5:12 pm

      Omobolanle Adeyemo no vex again oo

    • Otitoju Spring Toluwase

      Otitoju Spring Toluwase

      June 12, 2018 at 5:15 pm

      My thoughts exactly! 👌 Having known loss, I would think she wouldn’t want any woman losing her man (death or separation) but would do we have? An unrepentant husband -snatcher😏😏 To think I once loved and respected her😥😏

    • Deborah Douglas

      Deborah Douglas

      June 12, 2018 at 5:18 pm

      Oluwafunmilayo Omotayo-Akindele Anifowose seriously you think this your analogy makes sense? Just because I am happy to hell with how it make the other feel right? I don’t think a man can be stolen first and foremost but I know a woman can destroy another woman’s marriage. She was thinking of herself and that’s not the way plays. If that’s the case armed robbers are justified since stealing other people’s things makes them happy. This is marriage we are talking about and there was a child involved!!!

    • Omobolanle Adeyemo

      Omobolanle Adeyemo

      June 12, 2018 at 5:18 pm

      Hilda Obidei thanks sis…the thing is just paining me jareh.

    • Omobolanle Adeyemo

      Omobolanle Adeyemo

      June 12, 2018 at 5:19 pm

      Otitoju Spring Toluwase as in…she should to be a favorite until she did that. Nonsense and depression!

    • Bambe Mobolaji Olukemi

      Bambe Mobolaji Olukemi

      June 12, 2018 at 5:20 pm

      Ifeoma Zoé Okeke why didn’t she stay with the guy she married after she lost her husband? One who has gone thru pain should learn not to inflict pain on others. Women are the enemies on women.

    • Elizabeth Iweanoge

      Elizabeth Iweanoge

      June 12, 2018 at 5:21 pm

      Did she came to his house to steal him???? Knowing that u are married, why looking else where??

    • Omobolanle Adeyemo

      Omobolanle Adeyemo

      June 12, 2018 at 5:25 pm

      Oluwafunmilayo Omotayo-Akindele Anifowose No Please! Do not make such generalizations. My hubby and I are each-other’s first, so you see, neither of us tasted different people. And there are many people as this.

      Secondly, we can not exonerate Stella’s fault and only say its only the man at fault here. They both share equal blame here. The man is as much guilty as the woman. I am not excusing the man’s fault. Some other day, I would talk about that or bash the man for having an affair…today is for Stella.

    • Olayinka Bakars

      Olayinka Bakars

      June 12, 2018 at 5:25 pm

      My sister Bolanle, I totally feel your pulse, but don’t you think its also unfair on the part of the man not to respect their vows, and exercise a little discipline, there are desperate women everywhere, but even the men can’t they use the fear of God… All our actions in life are seeds which we must reap.. …every husband snatcher must definitely reap their seed in hundred folds…

    • Omobolanle Adeyemo

      Omobolanle Adeyemo

      June 12, 2018 at 5:27 pm

      Elizabeth Iweanoge You see, I am not exonerating the man’s fault here. The man is as guilty as she is. The one who goes looking for an affair and the one who accepts an affair share equal blame.

    • Deborah Douglas

      Deborah Douglas

      June 12, 2018 at 5:28 pm

      Omobolanle Adeyemo Today is definitely for stella

    • Biola Adenibuyan

      Biola Adenibuyan

      June 12, 2018 at 5:33 pm

      Is she the one proposed to Daniel ademiloka?she’s a widow and she have right to remarry..

    • Omobolanle Adeyemo

      Omobolanle Adeyemo

      June 12, 2018 at 5:35 pm

      Biola Adenibuyan but she accepted the proposal. See nobody is saying the man is guilty. They both share equal blame. Some other day, it would be for Daniel. Today is her own day.

    • Deborah Douglas

      Deborah Douglas

      June 12, 2018 at 5:40 pm

      Biola Adenibuyan she has the right to remarry not destroy another persons marriage to achieve hers. Let me tell you something today, If she wasn’t in the picture when the marriage crumbled and met him afterwards nobody would blame her. She was a close friends to the couple and this….??? If the man no get scruples she no suppose know better? Especially having lost her late husband in death!

  3. Chidinma Anyanwa-ibegbule

    Chidinma Anyanwa-ibegbule

    June 12, 2018 at 4:38 pm

    Weldone and live your life and have peace and joy

  4. Chinelo Doris Nelodrex

    Chinelo Doris Nelodrex

    June 12, 2018 at 4:49 pm

    Then you inflected pains of betrayal, pain and separation to than sister

  5. Bree Ze

    Bree Ze

    June 12, 2018 at 4:54 pm

    Karma is still going to hit you for what you did. Hope you are prepared for what you did to your fellow woman. Nonsense story.

  6. Sarah-Onyeka Iruh Richard

    Sarah-Onyeka Iruh Richard

    June 12, 2018 at 4:56 pm

    Vibrate Woman,the Lord is ur strength.

  7. Jennifer Obadan

    Jennifer Obadan

    June 12, 2018 at 4:59 pm

    Lolsss..when ll women finally allow dis lady have peace

    • Omobolanle Adeyemo

      Omobolanle Adeyemo

      June 12, 2018 at 5:12 pm

      when she returns what she stole o…or she admits her wrong and restitutes…we would let her have peace.

    • Adebisi Akinola

      Adebisi Akinola

      June 12, 2018 at 5:23 pm

      Keeping disturbing your self, she is fine and happy. She stole. I hear you.

    • Jennifer Obadan

      Jennifer Obadan

      June 12, 2018 at 5:31 pm

      Lols….wahala

    • Omobolanle Adeyemo

      Omobolanle Adeyemo

      June 12, 2018 at 5:31 pm

      Adebisi Akinola is it you I am disturbing? You think she is happy? Is that what social media tells you…

    • Bimpe Idowu Ibidapo

      Bimpe Idowu Ibidapo

      June 12, 2018 at 6:08 pm

      Omobolanle Adeyemo ,gbam

    • Chinelo Doris Nelodrex

      Chinelo Doris Nelodrex

      June 12, 2018 at 6:14 pm

      Becos we are woman and we know the pain of betrayal esp when you know who your man is chilling with

    • TiwaLola Apalowo

      TiwaLola Apalowo

      June 12, 2018 at 6:15 pm

      Adebisi Akinola
      I am surprised at ur comment sha

    • Folajin Bunmi

      Folajin Bunmi

      June 12, 2018 at 6:15 pm

      Which happy lies..to tell u d truth she will always be careful n scared nothing goes wrong with dier r/s so dat Pple won’t laff her…trust me wateva shit she gets frm him she will bear it just to keep Thier r/s bcos she knows wat she did is wrong…

    • TiwaLola Apalowo

      TiwaLola Apalowo

      June 12, 2018 at 6:16 pm

      Thank you for that ore
      Folajin Bunmi

    • Deborah Douglas

      Deborah Douglas

      June 12, 2018 at 6:27 pm

      Folajin Bunmi I tell you. She will swallow al the nonsense because the shame would be EPIC!

    • Lydia Oletu

      Lydia Oletu

      June 12, 2018 at 7:33 pm

      Daniel and Doris were already separated b4 Stella met Daniel. Leave Stella alone

    • Faustina Ughulu

      Faustina Ughulu

      June 12, 2018 at 7:41 pm

      Lydia Oletu,who told u that?get ur fact right.when daniel left his home with his son,doris had no clue they were travling to u.s.stella would have at least advised daniel to return his son to the mother.he was only two years old.what is wrong is wrong.

    • Lydia Oletu

      Lydia Oletu

      June 12, 2018 at 9:17 pm

      Faustina Ughulu, I read abt it. It was Doris dat pushed Daniel out and they were already having issues and separated b4 Stella came to his life.

    • Faustina Ughulu

      Faustina Ughulu

      June 13, 2018 at 3:48 pm

      I dnt want to argue with you.

    • Faustina Ughulu

      Faustina Ughulu

      June 13, 2018 at 3:49 pm

      If she truly pushed him out,did she also push her son out?

  8. Oluyomiatoyebi@gmail.com'

    Oluseyi abiodun

    June 12, 2018 at 4:59 pm

    I need help. It feels as if I am being pressed on every side

  9. TiwaLola Apalowo

    TiwaLola Apalowo

    June 12, 2018 at 5:23 pm

    Leave story Madam
    Have u return the husband to the Owner??

  10. Adebisi Akinola

    Adebisi Akinola

    June 12, 2018 at 5:44 pm

    God bless you. You shall never experience pain again in ur life.

    • Shade Lasisi JW

      Shade Lasisi JW

      June 13, 2018 at 12:24 am

      That’s a curse. Ask me how!

    • Adebisi Akinola

      Adebisi Akinola

      June 13, 2018 at 6:48 am

      I don’t need to ask you. It’s my comment and I understand Wat I meant by that.

  11. Bimpe Idowu Ibidapo

    Bimpe Idowu Ibidapo

    June 12, 2018 at 6:08 pm

    Tell your stories to the gods, in all this you couldn’t go to your in law’s cos of your attitude are they that poor?I don’t believe Jaiye was broke before he died.

    You didn’t tell us how you went on stage to perform with 2face barely after 2 months of Jaiye’s death.

    You didn’t mention how you remarried and got divorced again.

    You didn’t tell us how you snatched a fellow woman’s husband and took away her son.

    Yeye dey your head,karma is a bitch,be ready

  12. Olabisi Dairo

    Olabisi Dairo

    June 12, 2018 at 6:29 pm

    Is that why you now decided to snatch your colleague husband to console yourself? Gbokogboko😎😎

  13. Reby B Eno-Ud

    Reby B Eno-Ud

    June 12, 2018 at 6:37 pm

    People sounding somehow here like they know what happened intoto or as if Doris Simeon discussed anything with them. Know what you are saying,typing and commenting o before e back fire!!!!!

    • TiwaLola Apalowo

      TiwaLola Apalowo

      June 12, 2018 at 7:44 pm

      Madam ur point is baseless
      We don’t Just type here
      We know intoto
      So parkwell pls
      Na today d matter don dey ground neh???
      Say sth else plsssd

    • Reby B Eno-Ud

      Reby B Eno-Ud

      June 12, 2018 at 7:48 pm

      TiwaLola Apalowo respect yourself please,i didn’t come under your comment,Pot calling kettle black.

    • Reby B Eno-Ud

      Reby B Eno-Ud

      June 12, 2018 at 7:50 pm

      Keep knowing all,congrats,information minister

    • Reby B Eno-Ud

      Reby B Eno-Ud

      June 12, 2018 at 7:56 pm

      Tale bearers,dispensers and disposers continue in thy given jobs

    • Beautyriv Franklin

      Beautyriv Franklin

      June 12, 2018 at 8:36 pm

      People taking para for others headache

    • Jimoh E Nancy

      Jimoh E Nancy

      June 12, 2018 at 10:12 pm

      Reby B Eno-Ud no body want to share her man with another woman divorce or not… They will hate that person forever… Go and ask Toyin Aimaku and Seyi Edun…

    • Reby B Eno-Ud

      Reby B Eno-Ud

      June 12, 2018 at 10:55 pm

      If u follow things up,you ll see the real truth,dont believe social media talk.

    • Uchechukwu Cee

      Uchechukwu Cee

      June 13, 2018 at 6:49 pm

      Reby what backfired jooo , 🤣

  14. Irenee Erondu

    Irenee Erondu

    June 12, 2018 at 6:52 pm

    It’s only in Nigeria that you’ll here couple separate and the next woman that comes into the man’s life become the reason for there separation. Inasmuch as a couple are not bone of ones bone, they become bone of contention and you don’t expect such union to last. Please let’s give Stella a break joor. Some of you that are now counsels to Doris, will be the same people that have been blaming olamide, the lady that stabbed her hubby to death for not leaving the man. If couples are not compatible, let them flee and that they’re no more together does not stop any of them from finding love again.

    • Lydia Oletu

      Lydia Oletu

      June 12, 2018 at 7:29 pm

      To think of it. Daniel and Doris were even separated b4 Stella gave. I don’t knw whr dis snatching came frm.

    • Faustina Ughulu

      Faustina Ughulu

      June 12, 2018 at 7:47 pm

      Is one thing to wreck another womans home.is another thing to forcefully abduct another womans child.doris has already missed the experience of raising her first child.what is wrong is wrong.

    • Angela Enweonye

      Angela Enweonye

      June 12, 2018 at 9:38 pm

      Tell them oooo

    • Reby B Eno-Ud

      Reby B Eno-Ud

      June 12, 2018 at 9:44 pm

      My dear,i don’t use to mind my business on issues like this until one day it backfired on me,then I made up my mind never to interfere in such again. Anything wey anybody like they should talk,me no dey there o

    • Majaro Tolulope Ogunkolade

      Majaro Tolulope Ogunkolade

      June 13, 2018 at 2:47 pm

      True talk

    • Uchechukwu Cee

      Uchechukwu Cee

      June 13, 2018 at 6:48 pm

      @reby what backfired Biko
      It’s like your gist will be more intresting

  15. Onyenowe Sandrah Nneoma

    Onyenowe Sandrah Nneoma

    June 12, 2018 at 7:11 pm

    Tell them aprokos

  16. Chigbo Chioma

    Chigbo Chioma

    June 12, 2018 at 7:13 pm

    Weldone

  17. Abimobolu Deborah

    Abimobolu Deborah

    June 12, 2018 at 7:55 pm

    Keep shining dear
    Lov ur courage
    Sky is nt the limit

  18. Joan O Ekutu

    Joan O Ekutu

    June 12, 2018 at 8:22 pm

    Now that you ve grabbed another woman’s husband depression don vanish abi? Ok make we go console Doris abeg.

  19. Preshiors La Rae Eyieta

    Preshiors La Rae Eyieta

    June 12, 2018 at 8:30 pm

    It doesn’t matter whether or not u hate her..she doesn’t even knw u sef..#bitter

  20. Chinyere Jessy Ezekwem

    Chinyere Jessy Ezekwem

    June 12, 2018 at 8:31 pm

    All of you condemning her have done worse things, bunch of Pharisees

    • Joy Osuji

      Joy Osuji

      June 12, 2018 at 8:35 pm

      My sister dnt mind them

    • Chinyere Jessy Ezekwem

      Chinyere Jessy Ezekwem

      June 12, 2018 at 8:51 pm

      Joy Osuji it’s very annoying, after reading all the toxic comments, a woman just told her story of how she got into depression that almost killed her instead of showing empathy all the self imposed judges here felt it was their right to judge and sentence her.

    • Bukkie Olu-Kemi

      Bukkie Olu-Kemi

      June 13, 2018 at 5:40 am

      Saducee calling pple pharisee… What is bad is bad… Period!!! By the time u experience same as Doris, you go understand!!!

    • Chinyere Jessy Ezekwem

      Chinyere Jessy Ezekwem

      June 13, 2018 at 7:10 am

      Bukkie Olu-Kemi madam I can see you dey carry the matter for your head, the lady you talking about is somewhere in the States enjoying her life she doesn’t even know you and I exist. stop drinking paradol for another person’s headache. If you are not without sin I would take you seriously as having the right to cast a stone, even Jesus did not condemn the woman, caught in act of adultery, then who are you to condemn?

  21. Ahmed O Amina

    Ahmed O Amina

    June 12, 2018 at 10:38 pm

    Most of you here have slept with married men, committed adultery, snatching people’s boyfriends and had series of abortions, yet u judgainas are busy bashing this lady…. Bunch of hypocrites!!!!

  22. Benny Nchee Egwu

    Benny Nchee Egwu

    June 12, 2018 at 10:55 pm

    Well to be perfectly honest, in my humble opinion, of course without offending anyone who thinks differently from my point of view, but also by looking into this matter in a different perspective and without being condemning of one’s view’s and by trying to make it objectified, and by considering each and every one’s valid opinion, I honestly believe that I completely made my points clear.😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  23. Chinwe Onuoha

    Chinwe Onuoha

    June 12, 2018 at 11:04 pm

    Chioma wish u all d best

  24. Akintimehin Omoyele

    Akintimehin Omoyele

    June 13, 2018 at 2:19 am

    Some people will not let us rest. The judges that don’t have control of their own lives aproko them,eke ibidun. The man is not a property neither is he stupid. If he has chosen to be with her all these years regardless of some Amebo’s snide comment Wetin be una own leave them Abeg and face your lives

  25. Kendra Abara

    Kendra Abara

    June 13, 2018 at 5:01 pm

    Why would women lambast their fellow.
    If the man had been responsible enough,he wouldn’t have left his wife for another.
    Seriously 😎
    Get a life haters.
    Gosh!!!!!!!

  26. Adaku Chibuzor

    Adaku Chibuzor

    June 16, 2018 at 10:20 am

    I’ll always love you Stella.

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