Asides from religious reasons, there are many reasons why people choose to be celibate. Celibacy is often used to encourage young people to stay pure to protect them from some of the consequences of early sexual relationships.
However, as an adult looking to get married someday, staying chaste tend to have its own challenges especially when one partner does not agree to the subject matter.
But whatever challenges it poses, media personality, Bolanle Olukanni says she believes in celibacy and chooses to remain celibate until marriage because sex can can cloud one’s judgement as to whether you actually love someone.
In her Youtube Vlog, “Why I choose celibacy,” Bolanle talks about her journey into celibacy.
The reason why I chose to do this is not because I just thought it was the right thing to do but I’ve experienced and seen that when I’m in a relationship with someone, it helps when sex is off the table. Sex can really cloud your judgement when you’re in a relationship with someone. A lot of times we feel or believe that we like someone more than we actually do because of the physical aspects of being in a relationship with them.
For example, when you meet someone and you start kissing them or making out with them, that usually get in the way of the actual experience of getting to know this person. I found that when I’m in a relationship with someone and the physical aspect is there, I tend to be way more on the physical than actually getting to know the person. In the relationships where I completely remove the physical aspect, I got to know the person a lot better and I was able to judge if I liked them for who they are or because they are a good kisser.
A lot of times, sex creates a bond with someone that should be saved for marriage. I found that when I’m physically attracted to someone, I tend to be way more attached to them than I would not be if I was not doing anything physical with them. I tend to feel like I have more right and authority over what it is they are doing in their lives, who they are talking to and also, in a way subconsciously, I made this person almost like my husband. A lot of people call it soul ties and I feel like when you have sex with a lot of people you create some sort of soul ties to them.
After the first time after you’ve had sex, most people cry and I’ve always ask myself that why people cry. Its because you have the feeling that you’ve lost something that should be kept sacred for someone and also, guilt.
The simple way I do this is;
I guard my mind: I don’t watch movies that have sex scenes in them because I don’t want to stimulate my mind and be looking for someone to have sex with. So when I don’t see mental imagery, it helps me not think about having sex.
I don’t enter relationships with people who want to have sex: The person that I’m dating always has to be on the same page with me as abstaining from sex. all the guys that I’ve dated since I made this decision have been comfortable with it.
Pray about it: God loves this and he honours the fact that you’re willing to save your body and wait until marriage for this. When you don’t have sex with someone in a relationship, I found that I’m spiritually,emotionally and mentally connected to God in a special way. It just allows my spirit to connect to him. I feel like when we’re having sex outside marriage, it doesn’t allow our discerning spirit to be as clear.
Watch the video here