At some point in our lives, we need help or support from someone and it’s always amazing when we get it at the point of our need. However, Dr. Rola Tomori, a clinical psychologist would like you to think if that support you’re getting is helping you or harming you.
How do you know? She tells the differences between a good and a bad help.
1. When you’re receiving good help is when the person who is helping you cares about your safety, best interest and they are helping to keep you protected from more harm or damage.
But a bad help jeopardizes your safety. The person providing the support may be abusing you verbally or sexually. Help that is bad is help that you are receiving but your best interest and safety is not the concern of the person helping you.
2. When you’re receiving good help, the person helping you is giving you help but they also want you to be confident. They are encouraging you to be more capable. Even though they could be honest with you about the mistakes you’ve made, they are also telling you about the positive qualities that you have. So, it’s helping you to know that you can move forward inspite of what is going on.
But when you’re receiving bad help, the person is putting you down. They’re telling you, you’re not good. They are blaming you for every mistake you make and in some ways they are amplifying the things you’ve done wrong and they are minimizing the things you’ve done right. So, when you’re receiving bad help, you feel worthless. In essence, the person is taking advantage of your vulnerability.
3. When you’re receiving good help, the person helping you is okay with you exploring other opportunities to get help. They know that they have support for you but they don’t mind you connecting with other people.
But when it is bad help, they want to be the only source of your help. They want you to be indebted to them for everything that is going on. If you seek help from other people, they make you feel like you betray them. They make you feel like you’ve gone against your commitment to them.
4. When you are receiving good help, the person is encouraging you to make plans for yourself. They are giving you guidelines and tools but they are okay with you finding your own purpose and making plans for the future and it doesn’t always have to be what they want.
Bad help want you to do it the way they want. They have their own agenda about what needs to happen and how it needs to happen and if you go against it, they punish you by isolating you or withdrawing from you. They take away from you your ability to find your own path. They want to control everything you do.
Watch the video to know more.