Personal Stories

A Man’s No-Nonsense Advice to Other Men about Women’s Experiences in Pregnancy and Childbirth

   

A trending debate about how pregnancy and childbirth changes the lives of women has been going on for a while on twitter and it is really eye-opening.

A twitter user @ozzyetomi shared her childbirth experience and this led to many women sharing their own stories. With a lot of women making revelations of their stories, it was clear that there is a negative side to childbearing that many women do not talk about.

While many women discussed the aftermath of what childbirth did to their bodies, some of which they are yet to recover from after many years of childbearing, many decided that they were no longer having children.

For not wanting to have more children, some men attacked these women, saying they were selfish.

One of the men, Oluyomi Ojo, who hailed these women, went another mile to enlighten his fellow men on the challenges that comes with pregnancy and childbirth.

Sharing his experience, he tweeted,

“As a father who stayed in the labour room for 7.5hrs before our son decided to come, it’s not a joke. It’s not easy and to be very honest, men should not ‘chook’ mouth in this matter. We have no right to say a word.

A thread…

Three things happened to me after that experience.

1. The respect I had for my wife grew by eons and then I feared her.

2. I respected my mum. (Like how can you do this 5 times without access to today’s medical tech like epidural and co.

3. I started respecting women more.

No woman goes into labour and comes back the the same. Forget epidural and all those things. The nine months of that pregnancy alone changes a woman’s body completely (Let’s not mention psychological changes).

I’ve seen women lose their sight after childbirth or stiffness occur in certain parts of the body because childbirth. Guys, these things are real. When women share their experiences, we have no right to gag them. If you can’t empathize, ‘shooooosh’.

If you feel women should not talk, I think it’s either because you don’t know how deep this things is, you’ve not had a child or you were not actually involved in the process.

Few tips to help you

1. Google is a great friend.

2. From the day your wife tells you that you are going to be a father, get these apps: Baby Centre and WhatToExpect.

3. Client a husband account, add conception date and read the daily updates. You’d see what your wife’s body suffers.

This in many ways will also help you empathize with your pregnant employees and colleagues or any pregnant woman you run into.

Carrying a baby and delivering one is not beans. If you are a man, you are either on the women’s side or you should just close your mouth.

And remember, childbirth in Nigeria is a lot more dangerous than anywhere else in the world that I know. Na by chance. Getting oxygen or blood na story. Women are being asked to push with low contractions hospitals don’t measure. It’s not right for a women to push for hours.

When women talk about childbirth and the issues it brings, Dear men, if we don’t have anything good to say to support and encourage them or at least let them know we feel their pains (which we can’t actually feel because we are not in their bodies), let’s just waka pass.

If you are going to ‘chook’ mouth, speak for women or don’t speak at all. We can’t ask women not to talk about their experiences with their body before and after childbirth. It’s not about bodies. We are either speaking for them or not speak at all.

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One of our favourite quotes at Woman.NG is a line from Emeli Sande’s Read All About It; “If you’ve got the heart of a lion, why let your voice be tamed?” This has inspired us to publish Nigerian women’s take on about everything. From conceiving a child to burying an old loved one and every life experience in between them - Nigerian women’s stories, opinions, issues, debates, advice, news etc. Read More >>

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