The social stigma and silence around male sexual abuse has resulted in a lack of awareness about the effects of these experiences on men. Because of the lack of awareness, many parents do not pay attention to the dangers around their boys and protect them from sexual predators.
Today, we share stories from men who are breaking the silence and reducing stigma around male sexual abuse. It all started when a twitter user, Olashile Abayomi asked men to share bad experiences they have had with any woman and there was an outpouring of sad incidences.
See thread below;
Please can you share any bad experience you have had with a woman?
I'm not talking about heart breaks in relationships..
I mean pure evil like molestation, sexual harassment, abuse, unfair treatment at work etc..
Please share 👇
Don't be shy.. Please!
— Olashile Abayomi (@FireOFola) September 2, 2018
For those who couldn’t tweet with their handles because of the sensitivity of the matter, they shared their experiences with Olashile privately and she tweeted it anonymously while some sent emails and Whatsapp messages.
The experiences of these men reveal that we have many broken men in our society, and their brokenness stems from the past. While some said they have healed completely, some are healing, some are seeing a therapist to walk them through the healing process and some still need help.
For many of them, it was the first time they would ever talk about it. Sadly, some said they would rather ‘man up’ their experiences than talk about it because the memory is unpalatable. Unfortunately, perpetrator cuts across parents, to older siblings, family members, neighbours and friends.
Read some of the heartbreaking stories below
Growing up as kid, I was living with my Grandma and my female cousin who was much older. This my cousin continuously had her way with me for over 3yrs and I can say she deflowered me and also turned me to her sex toy for while before I returned to live with my parents in Lagos
There have been many times that I’ve been sexually harassed in life. I was sexually harassed repeatedly last year when I decided to jump into politics. It got to the point that when I decided to stand up against the mistreatment, I was faced with vindictiveness and malice.
At age 14 in secondary my 18 year old headgirl marched me to the school library and made me do unspeakably nasty things to her. Of course I grew up thinking that I was damn lucky. However as I got older I realised that I would not want that to happen to my son.
So my head of admin would not let me be as I refused her advances. She frustrated me on the job, was against my salary rise, sacked or queried every female that was my friend. After my mum’s funeral I resumed with a pay cut which was her idea.
Men has been raped and abused too. I was molested at 10yrs old. Lived with the trauma for a long time. I feared women but I got delivered. Life is just painful at times and we need to watch out for each other.
I’ve mentioned it on here before. I was only a toddler when the househelp turned me into her boy toy. That kind of exposure was not good for my mind tbh. Some things should only happen long after puberty tbh
While in University, I was gang raped 6 times, at a time I started thinking it was all my fault they did it..once reported to my friend and they started using it to joke….the anger, depression an d resentment I had for women after that was real bad..I’m happy I overcame it even
Was about 6-7 there about when our maid took advantage of me. Never spoken to anyone about it, the 1st time i’m dropping a hint. I don’t remember anything else about her except for the horrible things she did to me.
The hard truth is a lot of us went thru those things but it was like a norm and it had lasting effects on most of us..even when we don’t realise it. I had to continually ponder ..on why I couldn’t connect with ladies my age or younger for years …it took watching some movies and sharing experience with a friend to realise that the feeling was triggered by my experience as a kid.. An elderly neighbor used a 7 year old me to pass time when she was horny
I couldn’t even tell my sister I was molested till some days ago, I keep on wondering why my 20’s was just about having sex 2 some, 3 some, orgies. I did all sorts. I had no one to confide in, but I thank God. That Aunty that molested me got married last Month.
I was sexually abused as a child by our housemaid(s),I think it started when I was 5yrs and went on years, there were times I’d be the one to go looking for them bcos i became addictive, to be truthful, I was loving it. I loved the feeling of ejaculation(I still do) I’d masturbate 3 to 4 times daily if they dont touch me and @ least once if they had already touched me. My mind was completely messed up, I was always attracted to older women, I give a woman a handshake and i already have an erection.
Men go through a lot…
His mother… pic.twitter.com/SkThaGVt1d
— Olashile Abayomi (@FireOFola) September 3, 2018