Motherhood

Woman Shares the Real, Honest Truth on the Toughest Part of Being a Single Mother

   

As parents, our hands are always full. Between caring for your children, paying their bills, planning towards a better future for them and spending quality time with time, there is just too much to do. Now imagine shouldering these responsibilities all by yourself.

@Imoteda is a single mother of an 11-year old girl. The way she talks about single parenting earns her praises from other single mothers, with questions on how she does it so effortlessly.

One of the commonly asked questions is how she carries on with her motherly duty without feeling bitter towards her absent and non-committal partner. So, @Imoteda decided to share her story to let them know that they are not alone.

Are you a single mother in her shoes? You can draw strength from her story.

Read her tweets below

Sometimes I talk about being a single mom and people think it’s all fun and games. I get a lot of women calling me goals and respecting me for not being bitter or angry etc etc. So I’m sharing a little bit from my life right now. My honest truth.

So I had my baby girl in 2007. That’s 11 years ago. I was in a relationship with her dad when she was born but we broke up less than two months after her birth for reasons that don’t belong in this thread. Just letting y’all know how long this single mom thing has been.

In the time since she was born I’ve received exactly N10,000 in cash for her welfare. If you’re Nigeria, you know what that means. A big fat LOL! As for school he’s actually paid for about four years of primary school and for that I’m grateful cause school fees are not a joke.

SEE ALSO: “I Know What It Is For A Woman To Be Both Mum And Dad To A Child” – Betty Irabor Has A Message For Single Mothers

But aside from tuition I pay for everything else, school extra curriculars. Those random fees and events they send letters home for. School trips, inter house sports, cheerleading uniforms etc etc. it adds up. It also means that I’m generally in a state of constant brokenness

Holiday trips, entertainment, birthday parties, Christmas gifts etc. That’s all me. I’m no longer angry or bitter. 11 years is a long time and truthfully, I was stupid. I got pregnant out of wedlock to an unemployed youth. I accept my bad decisions and I have my Raynebow.

This thread isn’t to call her dad out. He is the person that he is, I knew that 13 years ago and I know that today. It’s to explain why I’m not “bitter or angry” and to let the young girls (and older women) who message me and say they want to emulate me know. You don’t want to.

Rayne is going to secondary school on Sunday and I just recently found out I’m going to be solely responsible for her tuition. That’s millions that I didn’t plan or budget for that need to be paid within two weeks. I’ll make it happen cause I always do.

I’ll hustle, work, beg, borrow and steal to make it happen. Because I HAVE TO. No amount of anger and bitterness will pay the tuition. I can’t even cry cause I can’t afford the panadol right now. But Rayne didn’t ask for this life. I forced it on her when I got pregnant.

So if you’re a young girl dating and having sex. Take this from someone who was where you are. Protect yourself. Protect your future offspring. And if the worst does happen, it has happened. Accept your role in it and let go of the anger. Not for him not for you. But for your kid

SEE ALSO: “How She Single Handedly Paid My Fees In Bowen University Till Today Is A Mystery” – Damilola Adegbite-Attoh Celebrates Her Mother’s Gentle But Strong Spirit

Because they didn’t ask to be here and they shouldn’t pay for your mistakes. And don’t be hard on yourself. You’ll make mistakes. You’ll fail. They’ll have beat up shoes sometimes and that’s okay. Give them a mother (or father) that loves them more than anything can hurt them.

Let them know the other parent loves them, even if it isn’t how they think they should be loved. Remind them of that ALL THE TIME. Kids feel when things aren’t as they should be and it’s up to you to control that narrative.

Anyway, just felt I should share. It’s not always fun and games. But your reaction can determine your situation. Also my dms are always open and my number is on the internet. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here. And I’m typically non judgmental. Have a blessed day y’all.

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One of our favourite quotes at Woman.NG is a line from Emeli Sande’s Read All About It; “If you’ve got the heart of a lion, why let your voice be tamed?” This has inspired us to publish Nigerian women’s take on about everything. From conceiving a child to burying an old loved one and every life experience in between them - Nigerian women’s stories, opinions, issues, debates, advice, news etc. Read More >>

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