It starts from not being able to eat, you can’t sleep and it feels like your whole world is coming to an end. And when you think you’ve gotten over HIM, the memories come rushing and you start the process all over again. Recovering from a heart break is not a day’s job and can span months to years depending on the circumstances in which it happened.
Bolanle Olukanni shares three ways you can get over that heart break.
Remember who you are as a person. Go back to the drawing board
I remember the most severe heartbreak that I ever went through. It was my first relationship and the first person I ever liked and I remember feeling like I had lost a part of myself when they left. I lost 10kg. It was horrible. And it was what led me to becoming a Christian because I was so confused and depressed that I poured myself into Jesus and I started reading my bible because I needed something to take away that pain. The pain was excruciating.
But asides from praying and reading my bible, I had to ask myself who I was as a person and who I was before this person came into my life. I went back to the drawing board and I wrote down things that I was passionate about; things that I loved doing; people I love spending time with and I really focused on those things. I focused on the things that I have rather than things I don’t have. I started to begin to feel more and more like myself.
You have to forgive the person
It doesn’t matter what they’ve done to you. Forgiveness is the key and the gateway to getting over a heart break. You have to forgive yourself and the person especially as a Christian. I have had people done things to me that are just not cool at all. Funny enough, I’m friends with most of the people who have done bad things to me because once I was able to forgive; they no longer have power over me. a lot of people have been through treacherous things, people have done things to them that no human being who ever claimed to love you should actually do but I have to say that the first thing to do to get over someone is to forgive and that’s going to look very different for everyone.
Some people are going to have to call the person to say, “I forgive you.” Some people will have to not talk about what the person has done to them to other friends. I found out in my most intense breakup experience, the more I spoke or reported him to my friends, the more what he did festered inside of my life and I remembered God saying to me that that is not the way to go about it.
If you have any difficulty forgiving, I highly recommend praying, trusting that it’s done and wash your hands off of it. Forgiving the person does not mean that you have to start talking to the person especially if they are not good for you, spiritually and mentally. Don’t let them back into your space. When you truly forgive a person, you know by the way you talk about the person.
Don’t use someone else to get over the other person
Rebounding is a very interesting way to get over someone. It is one that I will not recommend. I think that a lot of times, we don’t allow ourselves time to go through what it is we’ve gone through when we go through a breakup. As a man or woman, oftentimes, you find yourself lonely, missing the person or the idea of the person. So, don’t feel the need to immediately replace them. There’s so much power in being alone and being in a single status because in that place, you can really understand who you are especially after you’ve been in a relationship. You can learn from your mistakes and center yourself.
I have always found that in the times when I’ve been single, I get really close to God because I’m focused. There are a lot of growth and opportunities to become a better version of yourself when you’re single. So, when you rebound, you have not processed what you went through well; you have not identified the emotions that you are going through and you are using this person to feel a void. The only person that can feel that void is Jesus.
Watch her speak here