“Is God punishing me?” was one of the many rhetorical questions Ruby Suze asked during her fertility journey.
When we start experiencing some life’s challenges that refuses to go away, we start to do a mental evaluation of who we offended or what we failed to do. And when we realize that we ticked all the boxes, we start to question if God is punishing us.
“When I was at the tip of my fertility journey, that question popped up a lot,” Ruby Suze says as she opens up about the struggles she had with her faith during her fertility journey.
Noting that God does not punish his children, Ruby says, the reason why we ask that question whenever we go through life’s challenges is because we have a transaction formula in our heads.
We think that we have to measure up to a certain level of holiness; do the things people who are in your shoes but now have their testimonies do or sing certain type of songs before God answers us.
For Ruby and her husband, they didn’t even kiss while they were dating because they wanted to do all the right things; however, they were shocked and hurt when they started struggling to have children.
But in all of these, Ruby says she learnt a lot of things on her fertility journey and she shares five of them below.
The fertility journey trained me in such a unique way. It trained me in terms of my ability to wait and patience and enduring hardship but there were so many other things that it brought out of me.
It trained me for such a time like this when I can switch on my camera and speak to people who are also hurting and to tell you that you are not alone.
It trained me with the ability to keep telling myself to believe wholeheartedly in God’s unfailing, unreserved, relentless love for me.
It challenged my thoughts about who I am as a person, as a wife and whether I am defined by my ability to carry a child or to give birth.
It made me cling more to him. So, in a sense, this hardship does train me in different ways to be in his army to fight another fight. To be even more than just a fighter as the bible refers to. To be this kind of beacon; I believe that the wounded are the best kind of people to give a message.
Watch her talk here
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