Let’s be real. If you’re a single woman over the age of 30 and you’re dating a guy, you probably are not his first girlfriend. He has dated other people before you, he has exes. Some guys stay friends with their exes, others don’t. In relation to that, some women are okay with their boyfriends being friends with their exes. Others are not so fine with it.
If you’re in the position where your boyfriend is still friends with his ex and you want to know what to do about it then this is the video for you. In today’s video, I’m going to be sharing what you can do if your guy is still friends with his ex.
To watch the video, click on the image below.
Prefer to read rather that watch the video? Here’s what’s in it:
Before we get into the nitty-gritty of what you can do if your boyfriend is still friends with his ex, I have something to say here and that is that for a relationship to be happy, both partners have to be fair. You can’t say that your boyfriend should stop being friends with his exes if you are still friends with your exes. It’s just not right. It’s hypocritical and that kind of behaviour cannot lead to anywhere good in a relationship. If you want your boyfriend to stop talking to his exes, your own exes have to be out of your life.
Now that we have that out of the way, let’s get into the meat of this video. It’s quite a delicate balance knowing when to tell your boyfriend that you’re not happy with him being friends with his ex. If you do it too early, he’ll think that you’re a control freak and he’ll think “Maybe I should give this girl some space” but if you wait until you’re really really into the relationship, he’ll be like “You’ve always known that I’m friends with my exes. Why do you want to change things now? What is wrong with you?” So, it’s quite a delicate balance.
One way you can handle it is that when you start seeing a guy, let him know early that you are not friends with your ex. Let him just know that about you. As you start dating more and more, let him know that you don’t feel comfortable when you’re dating a guy who is friends with his ex. Don’t tell him that he has to stop talking to his exes but let him know that you’re not happy when the person you’re dating talks to their exes. You can give examples from your past letting him know what happened and why you’re not happy when your boyfriend is talking to his ex.
Finally, when the relationship is really serious, when it’s clear that both of you are monogamous and are dating each other exclusively, perhaps when he has started introducing you as his girlfriend to his family and his friends, THEN you can say, if he is still friends with his exes that you’re not happy with it.
Tell him how it upsets you. Don’t scream and shout, otherwise he’ll think you’re just some nutcase or he’ll think that is all you think about. Just mention it. Let him know a few times that it really makes you uncomfortable for him to be talking to his exes and that you are not talking to your exes. See how it goes after that.
If you’ve said that a few times, please do NOT go on and on about it, but after you’ve said that a few times, if he is still friends with his exes, it shows that he does not really care what you think when it comes to this issue. The ball is now in your court.
You have to decide, “Is this a deal-breaker for me? Can I stay in this relationship knowing that my boyfriend is staying friends with his exes even though he knows that it upsets me deeply?” Only you can decide that. But know that if you continue with the relationship, it’s not going to change. If he is still talking to his exes now, he is still going to be talking to his exes 5 or 10 years down the line and then, you can’t start complaining. It won’t make any sense.
You have to decide what you will and what you won’t take in a relationship. Take a stand for what you believe in when it comes to your relationship. I hope these tips have given you ideas on what you can do if your guy is still talking to his ex.
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Lape Soetan is a UK-certified relationship coach. She helps single women over 30 attract and keep the right relationship while building lives they love. Ms Soetan is the author of several books and details of her work can be found on www.lapesoetan.com