Some time ago, a woman asked me how to maintain a non-sexual relationship yet monogamous relationship with a guy – without any religious connotations. The first time I got this question, I was a little puzzled and I thought it was a one-off but I got the question again and again from different women so I knew that I had to make a video about it.
To watch the video, click on the image below.
Prefer to read rather that watch the video? Here’s what’s in it:
I’m going to answer this question in a very simple and straightforward way. The only way to have a non-sexual and monogamous relationship with a guy is if both of you are dedicated to a religion that forbids sex outside marriage. Now, the thing is that most of the women who asked me this question, they already knew that. They knew that if you’re a Christian or you’re in a particular religion that forbids sex then you shouldn’t be having sex outside of marriage but what they wanted to know was – how do they have a non-sexual relationship with a guy even if the relationship is not based on religion?
That is a tough one and I’m going to have to say this in a really simple and straightforward way. It is NOT possible to have a non-sexual relationship with a guy. It just doesn’t happen. Or let me clarify. It’s possible to have a romantic relationship with a guy and you won’t be sleeping with him but you can be sure that he’s sleeping with somebody else. I’m so sorry that I have to say this to you but that is the truth. Every single couple I know who have tried this – the woman says ‘No, I don’t want to have sex’ and the guys says he agrees – with every single one of those couples, the guy has cheated with somebody else.
I have spoken to guys about this and they told me that that was the case with them. Some of the guys I spoke to were Christians and they said if they were not having sex with their girlfriend, they were having sex with somebody outside. It’s really complicated. These men told me that they loved their girlfriends and they intended to marry them but they loved sex as well. So they loved their girlfriends but they loved sex. They just had to get it some way.
Many of those couples went on to get married and usually, the guy gave up the other woman after they got married but before they got married, he definitely was cheating. Don’t get me wrong. A guy can cheat even if you’re sleeping with him but if you’re in a relationship with him and you’re not having sex with him, it increases the chances of him cheating on you. It’s a risk you take. You have to decide and do what is best for you.
I know this is tough for some women to hear but what matters most is how you feel. If you’re unhappy about having sex, please do NOT do so. If you’re okay and even enjoy sex with your boyfriend then continue to do so but please don’t lie to yourself. Know that if you’re in a relationship with a guy and you’re not having sex with him and you’re not dedicated to a particular religion, both of you, just know in your heart that he is probably cheating.
I know someone who even got married to the guy, knowing that he was having sex with somebody else. People have their different priorities. They do what they think is best for them and that’s what I think you should do as well. Follow your heart and do what is best for you.
I’m a relationship coach. I help single women over 30 attract the right relationship for them. I’ve written a ton of e-books and you can get some of them by going to my free online library. To get into my free online library, just click here.
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I wish you love and strength.
Lape Soetan is a UK-certified relationship coach. She helps single women over 30 attract and keep the right relationship while building lives they love. Ms Soetan is the author of several books and details of her work can be found on www.lapesoetan.com