From the moment we were born, we try to earn love, seek validation, wait to be chosen and many times, beg for the permission to be ourself. But Chidera Eggerue, award-winning blogger, speaker and presenter is shattering that belief system.
In her TEDxTalk, Chidera speaks on releasing the power of being alone. In her speech, she explained that time spent alone is not wasted as it helps you to discover who you really are.
While many people fear their own company because they feel it’s boring or they are scared of what they would find out, they spend time searching for friends, on social media or being in a relationship with others, using them as a tool to run away from the responsibility of getting to know who we really are when nobody is looking.
“Do you like yourself when nobody is liking? How do you feel about yourself when nobody is looking?”, Chidera asks
Read her words here
In a world where the society teaches you that you must always have companion and that romance and marriage is your greatest achievement in this life, you will find out that you can still feel lonely even when you are married or in a relationship. The reason why you feel lonely is that you feel misunderstood and you haven’t given yourself room to know who you are.
The thing about being alone is that your company is the greatest company that you can have but you don’t know that because you’re too busy trying to be the best possible friend that you can be, trying to be liked and successful. Being successful is not about having money and acquisitions, its about feeling that you’re enough. About feeling that you have something valid to contribute to the conversation in instances where you are amongst group of people and you wanna add to the conversation, the thing that stops you is that you are not going to be listened to or that what you have to say isn’t important.
We must make the effort to separate from who the world wants us to be and who we deserve to be. I don’t support using someone else to validate yourself because even if you are married, you can still feel alone.
When you reach that point where you feel that your company is amazing, like you love being you and love existing in your body, it means that when you meet a person, who you gravitate towards and that person gravitates towards you, the reason why they want to be around you is because they like how you feel about yourself, so they feel more drawn to someone who likes themselves, they feel like they wanna like themselves like you like yourself.
Liking yourself is really important. Sometimes I feel like it’s more necessary to like yourself than love yourself, because liking yourself is essentially being like, “I know I’m a mess, but I want to be the best possible mess I can be because everybody is going to be messing forever. Nobody is going to be perfect but if I’m trying to be a good mess, then I’m getting somewhere.”
So it’s about balancing between imperfections and acceptance and understanding that regardless of how I show up, I’m enough because I said so and that is not up for debate.
Watch her speak here
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