#SheSaidThis

“Hausa Men Think They Are Doing Us A Favour By Marrying Us”- Hauwa Mohammed

   

Founder of Woman.NG on Instagram – @sholaokubote

Domestic violence against women is a global menace that people and institutions are working to deal with, and in this light, a northern writer, Hauwa Sam. Mohammed tweeted about how Hausa women are abused through the institution of marriage.

With the way her tribe places value on marriage, Hauwa explained that it is easy for women from her tribe to suffer abuse because Hausa men think they are doing them a favour by marrying them. Sad at the way Hausa women are perceived, Hauwa says abuse against them are easily perpetrated as a result of the rules and regulations that forms their culture and religion.

Thankfully, modern Hausa women are beginning to say no and fight against the culture that held their mothers back and Hauwa is advising people from her tribe to raise their sons in the best possible way they can.

Read her tweets below

Hausa Men think they are doing us a favour by marrying us. LOL.

As early as 7 years, some of us were already praying for rightful husbands. Almost every Aunt was not happy, your sister who just got married is crying herself to sleep every single night. At night, before you go to bed, your mom recounts the events of the day to you and always ends with, “Allah will avenge me“

And there comes the question, what about me? The odds were already against us, even before we were born. You were more likely to end up with an abusive husband than you were to end up with a decent one. If your mom wasn’t the victim, your Grandma was, if it wasn’t your grandma someone in your family was.

There had to be. Then came the Modern Hausa woman. She refused to be trampled upon, she said if my husband can cheat and get away with it, why can’t I? And this, in turn provoked the Modern Hausa man.

He simply couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t do as he wanted. After all, her mother had done it. To sit here and read derogatory comments about the Hausa woman who was and is still is the embodiment of “do as your husband orders you to” , boils my blood.

I am pained 4 my mother, I am pained 4 my sisters and I am pained 4 all the women in my family. Marriage, I have come to realize is seen as a gift a man gives to a woman. Hence, the statement, “because we want to marry their daughter”. Whatever the Hausa woman has done does not warrant such backlash

Ladies, any man who says to you “you know how women think”  or something in that line, run for your dear life. He is a misogynist in training. He will never look at you like a full human being whose opinion is jst as relevant as his. Isn’t it d same Jannah we are all striving for?

And I’d be lying if I said I don’t look forward to marriage but every day I wake up less excited than the previous. I’m sure if some Hausa men owned Jannah they wouldn’t give most of us admission, but guess what, we can enter Jannah without being married , so, jokes on you.

Almost all the things you want to be praised for are what Allah has ordained you to do. Despite everything I’ve seen here, I have hope. Wallahi, and InshaAllah, I will not mother a misogynist.

But I believe we all have a lot of unlearning to do; the stereotypes and all. It all comes down to the fact that we see it as us against them whereas we’re all in this together. If the average Hausa man thinks like the average twitter handl, there is a very big problem

Before you come here to talk, think, would your mother be proud? All those years of trying to shape you to be the best of ppl all gone to waste? Today I get to tweet this, because my mother sat down at home, cooked, ate and watched tv and waited for me to come back from school.

Today I get to pursue a degree while my mother has none and today I am the person I am because when it was time for my mother to choose between me or her, she chose me. Every. Goddamned. Time.

As a man, who you decide to be now or ten years from now is who your daughter is going to end up with as a life partner. Choose wisely. I am not your daughter.

All this energy and time, I could have finished Sefi Atta’s everything good will come. But because we keep quiet, some of you think we must be very stupid

Someone said this is my family’s story . You see exactly what I’m saying?

I see a lot of oppressors turning it into a mother-father thing. By mentioning my mom, I was simply trying to validate her story. She was the typical Hausa woman, d one whose story you like 2 invalidate, who sat at home and cooked and watched tv because she chose my siblings and I.

All these sacrifices and this is what they get? I want to engage most of you but I can’t, my notifications are all over the place, some mentions I see, some I don’t. I hope you understand. I appreciate you all.

When did the Hausa woman start revolting? Is it not in recent years? Except in the case of a selected few, which there always is, the Hausa woman is not known as a woman to say no. Now she is revolting and it’s affecting even the innocent ones among you.

When you were told it would come back to haunt you you thought it was a joke? LOL

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