23-year old Dammy’s parents are divorced. Living with both parents at different times has been really difficult for her, sadly, her mum doesn’t make it easy because she always want to talk to her rather than listen to her sometimes.
Moreover, having a serious conversation with her mum is also a challenge because she sees her as a baby and not as the adult that she is. Once when Dammy was trying to tell her mother about her mental health, her mum cut her off saying,
“Yeah, no, you’re fine though. Its fine. I know you get a little bit worried and anxious, but its ok. Don’t worry about it.”
Meanwhile, Dammy feels that her mother should listen to her more.
“I think she was trying to hug me more than listen to what I was saying. Her reaction definitely pushes me away. I wish I could say more”, Dammy tells BBC Three.
Dammy suffers from anxiety. She thinks that seeing a therapist with her mum will help them communicate better.
Shockingly, a visit to a family therapist revealed that the reason Dammy’s mother always wanted to talk to her daughter was because she went through the same journey her daughter is presently going through.
Her parents got divorced and the pain of that experience got to her. to escape it, she travelled abroad about the same age as her daughter presently is.
“I left behind a lot of pain behind as well. I wanted to get away from voices shouting and constantly being told off or not being good enough. I just wanted to draw a line and get away. There was a lot of pain because my parents were separated and he expressed his own pain in his own way and one of it was to imagine that I didn’t have a mum anymore, she’s dead”, she said.
Unfortunately, Dammy seems to be going through the same experience that her mother went through. However, Dammy’s mother had made a promise to herself following her own experience with her parent’s divorce.
“I made a promise to myself that I would never-if I had kids-never let them feel unloved or have a painful experience,” Dammy’s mother said.
Until their visit to a family therapist, Dammy never understood why her mother would never let her talk to her but was always ready with a hug.
Knowing and understanding her mum’s issues, Dami said she could be more open about her own issues to her mum.
“…because its very possible that she’s felt the same way even if I didn’t know that and she’ll be able to give me the best advice possible because she’s done something far more extreme”, Dammy said.
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