Nigerian writer, Ijeoma Awuaku Umebinyuo is examining the mother-daughter relationship and she said it is the reason why many women became feminists.
In a series of tweets, Ijeoma noted that many daughters are fighting not to be what their mothers are, forgetting that their mothers had to fight agaisnt many systems to be who they are today.
While many daughters may be resentful at how their mothers turned out, Ijeoma urged them to look at the relationship their fathers had with the mothers as against the relationship he had with them as daughters.
Many people need to heal the daughter-mother relationship. I know this is a taboo topic even in my culture but many daughters are bottling trauma they need to reveal. Especially first daughters.
Many feminists became feminists because they do not want to be their mothers. And in the process of not being their mothers, they forget the fight of many many of their mothers. This is why I insist that you study your own culture and the women who resisted.
How did your mothers survive in the patriarchy? What choices do you have now that she did not have? In trying to praise your father for his progressive ideals in letting you be the feminists you are, go back and ask yourself if he even encouraged your own mother.
We forget that many men love to raise feminists daughters while never letting their wives be as free as their daughters. Now, you have daughters who forget that the patriarchy made it almost impossible for mothers to be free. Many mother then put her frustration on her daughter.
I am a person who’s aware of my privilege. You can’t tell me who I am because I’ve done the work. We are so afraid of digging for truths we accept crumbs, lies. I keep hammering on inner work because that’s important. Know yourself first.
I am an Igbo woman. My great-grandmothers were one of the first to resist the colonizers. You literally can’t tell me shiet about my culture. We still have our women going into homes of men who mistreat their wives and selling their wares there, sitting there and shaming them.
“Forgive your mother for all the miracles she couldn’t perform.” — Questions for Ada
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