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Real Women, Real Issues: It Seems Like My Husband Is Enjoying Being Poor

   

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Dear Woman.NG Readers,

I just want to vent! My family members are surprised when I told them why I want to get a divorce because they think the only reasons women should divorce in Nigeria is domestic violence. Well, there has been no physical abuse, he never hit me for one second, also I have never caught him cheating on me, he likely did, but I don’t have any prove.

So why do I want to divorce at 28, after just two years of marriage?

When we got married I didn’t have a job but I was frantically searching for one and he knew it, and he never objected. I had worked for a company but unfortunately they closed down and I lost my job. He proposed marriage  after I lost that job, and though I was reluctant to get married without a job, he promised me everything will be okay.

I got pregnant immediately after marriage and so I could not search for a job seriously, but now my twins are old enough, I want to go back to work but he has a problem with it. I am a graduate and I also have a professional qualification, and I know with time I will get a good job. I have begged and made him see reasons but he has refused, he wants me to stay at home and take care of the children.

He earns about 200k per month; he is not looking for another job and does not believe in doing side business. I even suggested we do the Canada immigration thing but he said he is not interested. Yet he doesn’t want me to work. How are we going to have better lives for ourselves and our children on this kind of income? Why can’t the two of us hustle and make more money while we are still young enough to do it.

How can he be content taking care of five (his younger sister lives with us) people on 200k salary? We live in a  two bed apartment in a bad area of Lagos and we are always struggling to pay up bills. I don’t want to live my life like this and regret when I am old, I don’t want my children to live in poverty.

He has said I should choose between my marriage and a job but people are saying I should pray and give him time to change his mind, but for how long will I wait? I don’t know!

 

DEAR NAIJA YOUNG WOMAN, CLICK!

 

CLICK!

14 Comments

14 Comments

  1. Rebecca Enomfom Ekerenam

    Rebecca Enomfom Ekerenam

    February 20, 2019 at 2:59 pm

    He shouldn’t think that 200000 is big,he scared of your success. And someone needs to talk to him, matured talk.

  2. Hnedy Hney

    Hnedy Hney

    February 20, 2019 at 3:00 pm

    I see reason why you want a divorce, who wants to live poorly

  3. Faith Adagadzu Ayoola

    Faith Adagadzu Ayoola

    February 20, 2019 at 3:49 pm

    Some men sha, he even have a woman who is willing to work and support yet… It’s a different thing if he’s hustling for better life to give her Hope. Don’t choose between your marriage and job, let him know the two are important to you then keep searching for a job, get people to talk to him and when you get it, he’ll allow you

    • Edah Voke

      Edah Voke

      February 20, 2019 at 3:59 pm

      No man has any right to decide whether his wife works or not.

    • Martha Abanum

      Martha Abanum

      February 20, 2019 at 4:34 pm

      It’s supposed to be discussed be4 marriage not after marriage. Some men are still archaic saying that their wife should not walk

    • Bettergirl Agara

      Bettergirl Agara

      February 22, 2019 at 10:27 am

      Such man is called African man with African mentality… I can’t deal with them in this 21 century

  4. Olabisi Dairo

    Olabisi Dairo

    February 20, 2019 at 5:06 pm

    Free yourself get a good job but while you are at it dont lose your marriage. Keep pressing him to agree with you. You can have it both ways i.e a good job and a loving home.

  5. Kasira Mark-Tsaro

    Kasira Mark-Tsaro

    February 20, 2019 at 6:30 pm

    Women must learn to ask what “will you marry me?” entails. Especially career women. Some men are not particularly interested in you, They simply need someone to play the role of wife and “mother of my kids” in their lives.

  6. Joan Shelika

    Joan Shelika

    February 20, 2019 at 6:49 pm

    The rate at which we are too quick to opt for a divorce is alarming, there must be a better way to handle these things. It is not every time a man says his wife shouldn’t work that he is scared of her success. My advice is that you find a way around this, divorce should be your last option as long as he isn’t cheating or abusing you in any way. When things are wrong or not working, the ideal thing to do is to fix it not throw it out. FIX IT.
    You cannot just bring children who didn’t ask to be born into this hard world and decide to divorce your spouse because of a set back that you haven’t exhausted all your options or tactics of fixing them on.
    Starting a family comes with sacrifices and if you aren’t ready to make them, then maybe you should reconsider starting a family.

  7. Oreva Offeh

    Oreva Offeh

    February 20, 2019 at 6:50 pm

    I completely understand. Obviously ur hubby’s ego is getting in the way of his common sense. Funny thing is he will totally believe he is doing right by u in his own way.

    I dare say he always had a need to suppress u in other to feel manly.

    You will get opinion from people telling u to stay “submissive”, to pray for him…all the while limiting yourself and living below ur capabilities.

    You will also have the African “stigma” of divorcee attached to your name if you leave your marriage with people thinking you are foolish or even that you had intentions to cheat hence you left.

    The decision is solely yours, however if you choose to leave I suggest you find a job first, gradually set a plan for new apartment for u and ur kids before u leaving the marriage.
    I wish you all the best.

    P:S
    If I had a to make such a choice,I would leave too.

    I promise you if you leave and start doing well, he would crawl back to you.

    Some Men are fickle like that.

  8. Adeyemi Adenike

    Adeyemi Adenike

    February 21, 2019 at 12:18 pm

    This matter has not reached divorcing, please try and make him reason with you,he might not see things from the angle you are looking at it,both need to talk and come to conclusion,with God everything will be alright,you both are still young in your marriage,please take things easy and hold on to God.

  9. Bettergirl Agara

    Bettergirl Agara

    February 22, 2019 at 10:23 am

    Some men are just something else. I mean how can a man want to subdue a woman to his standard without considering the woman. I always say this, abt from gender issue, we all as human being have one or two purposes to fulfil in life before leaving this world so why will u want to tame mine all in the name of marriage. Why won’t you allow me to contribute the little i can to the society i found myself in. It’s only a servant that obeys instructions with any objection so Mr man, your wife is not your servant. Maybe after the divorce, u will realise what u have lost. This particular decision has destroyed so many families and render d woman helpless coz if anything dare happen to such man today, the wife will find it hard to gather herself up again.

  10. Enenu Faith

    Enenu Faith

    February 22, 2019 at 5:33 pm

    Som ppl just want to be poor all their live 🙄

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