Disturbed by the number of videos she sees of mothers in-law and daughters in-law fighting, Simi’s mum, Jedidiah, has written an open letter to women in these positions on how to coordinate themselves around each other.
We can’t but agree with the content of her letter as they are the simple things that are needed to be done for more homes to be peaceful.
We need to talk about MIL/DIL issues again. I have seen many videos and heard stories of fighting between these two. Something needs to be done fast before more homes get destroyed because of lack of wisdom. I will start with the MIL
Mama, please allow your son and DIL live their lives. The best you can do for them is to advice your DIL if she wants to listen and leave her to make her own decisions without your interference. You’ve lived your own life so let her be and don’t force your opinion on her.
Mama, stop rushing to your son and DIL’s house at d drop of a hat. Don’t let them think u have nothing doing with your life. Have a life of your own. Make your own friends & get something doing to keep yourself busy & happy. Join a group in your church or mosque if u want friends
Mama, please please never slap your DIL for any reason. That’s madness of the highest order. I am sure you don’t hit your own sons or daughters after a particular age. Yoruba adage says, oju lafi nba omo soro. Control your anger & emotions and walk away rather than slap your DIL
Mama, never enter into a shouting match with your DIL for any reason. Immediately you see any matter moving towards a big argument please walk away. If your DIL is uncouth, leave her and walk away. What you don’t say can’t be used against you. Learn to control your emotions.
Mama, don’t put your nose into what your DIL cooks for her husband. It is not your business. If they like let them eat indomie for breakfast, lunch & dinner. Wetin concern u. Your son married what he likes. The best u can do is to teach her if she is interested in learning from u
Mama, stop complaining every time about your DIL on all issues. If you can’t bare her attitude and she’s not ready to change, leave her. This is after you must have tried to advice and encourage her. Don’t force your opinion on her.
Mama, your DIL is actually your daughter. Treat her as one. Do for her what you will do for your own biological daughters. Don’t treat her as a stranger in your family. Your biological daughters are not perfect so don’t expect your DIL to be perfect. Show her unconditional love.
Mama, never allow your children to gang up to beat your DIL. This is a disrespect to your son and also the outcome might be more than what you envisaged. If your DIL is unbearable please leave her alone and stay in your house.
Mama, bring up your sons to be real men who can take care of their homes. Build confidence in them and let them sort out issues with their spouses without you jumping in at the slightest argument between your sons and their spouses.
Mama, don’t be blinded by material things. I know of women who encouraged their sons to marry ladies without good character all because of the things they are getting from such ladies. You will regret being blinded by material things. Be warned. Be prayerful and don’t be greedy.
Mama, if u go to your son’s house on the birth of a new baby, be ready to help out. Don’t go there to cross legs & expect the new mum to take care of her baby & u at d same time. If u are not able to help out don’t bother going there to stay. Stay 4 few days & return to ur house
Mama, if u go to your son’s house to help with a new baby, don’t force your own old ideas on your DIL. She is a new generation with new ways of doing things. You can introduce what you want to her but if she says no, leave her alone. Don’t be rigid about how something is to done
Mama, don’t go to their house to stay permanently except if it is a joint decision by your son and DIL and if there’s actually a good reason for you to stay with them e.g. health issues. And when you are there give them space.
Now to babe, madam of the house, you need to ask for grace to honour and respect your MIL. I will not even type like your own mother because some ladies don’t respect their own mothers. Your MIL should be treated with great respect.
Babe, stop looking at your MIL as an intruder in your house. This woman carried your husband for months and took care of him for years before you showed up. Stop making her feel unwanted in her son’s house. Treat her like your mother that you love. Be patient with her
Babe, I have heard and seen ladies who abuse their MILs. I don’t like saying you will be paid back in like coins, so I say don’t do that. However angry you are, never never insult your MIL. Even if your son is dumb and allows you to insult his mother, never fall into that error.
Babe, don’t ever raise your hand to hit your MIL even if she slaps you, never slap her back. I can’t even imagine any young lady raising her hand to slap an elderly person. Not even slapping a young person. Don’t bring a curse on yourself. Control your anger issue. Walk away
Babe, stop bad mouthing your MIL to your family, friends or neighbours. It is a temptation you should never fall for. Watch your heart and your mouth. Stop gossiping about her to every Dick and Harry. What you say in secret will come out in the open one day. Gossips destroy
Babe, stop locking your kitchen and food store because of your MIL. Give and it shall be given to you. Even if you are presently the breadwinner in your home, don’t rub it on your MIL’s face and don’t denigrate your husband by dishonouring his mother. Take good care of your MIL
Babe, if your MIL comes over to help you with your new baby, don’t be insultive and aggressive with her. Try and be gentle even if you don’t agree with her suggestions. Try and accommodate her old school suggestions so far they are not harmful to the baby. Nobody knows all
Now check these out: