Yes, I spent an entire weekend with a woman my husband was having an on-going affair with. And it changed everything about my life. But first of all, introduction….
I am a very beautiful woman. But again, many women will say that about themselves. So, let me re-introduce myself. I AM PRETTY! And for about 5 months now, many who meet me for the first time will easily describe me as ‘drop dead gorgeous.’ And they wouldn’t be lying.
I married Bayo (not his real name), a good looking, matured and well paid man in an elaborate Lagos wedding less than 3 years ago (sorry, I can’t be specific). We honeymooned in Europe, and did many things most new couples do in the first months and year of our marriage. I thought the world of Bayo, and he was my EVERYTHING!
Bayo isn’t a controlling man, but he had his ways of passing across subtle messages about what and what he thinks is acceptable from a good wife (that’s me) domestically and in public. And since he was never bossy or nasty to me, I always considered his views and leanings for pretty much every action – speech, relationships, shopping, conduct at work and most other things.
We are not one the the more active couples in church, but we have many friends at church and we participate sometimes when prompted to get involved in church projects and programs outside of the Sunday services which we always attend. We both work at big companies and some of our work colleagues also attend same church with us.
After a church event sometime last year, I noticed this glitter in Bayo’s eyes as we talked talked with Ranti, a mutual friend who also works in the same company as Bayo. But after a few days of torturing myself, I asked myself – “Who wouldn’t light up talking with Ranti?”
Ranti is great at conversations with both sexes, and an all round sweet-spirited friend to many people. She always knew the right things to say and when to give you space. She had visited us at home once, and I have also visited her at her Surulere apartment twice, on her way to go shopping ‘Eko’ together.
Fast forward a few months a later, a group of women at church was planning a weekend getaway. I wasn’t really interested, but Bayo kept persuading me to go. He said “It will be great for you. This may be the best opportunity to connect with more interesting people we hardly ever relate to in church.” I agreed.
I called Ranti the next day to ask her to come for the getaway too. She wasn’t interested. She “had prior plans.” So, I told Bayo that I changed my mind too. That I agreed before thinking Ranti would make the weekend bearable. But Bayo kept talking about how I was throwing away a good opportunity. I just never understood why he was so particular about me going.
A few days later Ranti called and said we could go together.
We arrived at the resort around mid day that Friday, it was a public holiday. We already had information that it was going to be two women per chalet, and Ranti and myself already paired ourselves.
The rest of the Friday went by fast. Games, water sports and gists. Plenty of gists about work, family, life and men!
On Saturday, like I did on Friday, I exchanged a few calls with Bayo, but every time, he always seemed in was in a hurry to get off the phone. I remember asking if there was a football match. I always hated that Chelsea club he supports. But hey, you are meant to enjoy your husband’s passion with him abi? So I pretended to care about football.
But it wasn’t Chelsea competing with me.
Ranti spent plenty time on the phone that day too. I kept teasing her, asking when she was going to introduce the man making her smile all day! She laughed it off most times.
Sometime that evening when I called Bayo, he made reference to something that had happen at our getaway earlier that day. Only that I hadn’t shared that with him yet.
He said I had. After a little argument, I agreed. How else would he have known na! Then when Ranti went to her room and got back on one of those calls, a crazy thought occurred! “What if it was Ranti who told Bayo about the gist from our resort.” Too far fetched I thought, but I became increasingly convinced I didn’t have that conversation with Bayo.
I called Bayo, phone was engaged, called his second phone, it kept ringing out. And I kept calling. Then Ranti’s call ended and about the same time, Bayo picked my call. Asked what took him so long and he said something about sleeping. Then I asked why is other phone was engaged, he blamed it on Etisalat.
I tried to make up conversation for a bit, then he had to go again. And as you guessed, Ranti was back on the phone in no time.
I tried, hard as it was to be normal for the remainder of the night. I woke up early the next morning, cleaned up, dressed up, then woke Ranti up. “It is almost time to leave, so you need to get ready fast. I’m going for breakfast…. why don’t you take a quick shower and join me?” I said as she stretched. I crossed to my room till she was almost ready to go to the bathroom, then I stepped out the door of our chalet pretending to be on my way for breakfast.
I waited close to a minute then stepped back inside. I heard the water running from the bathroom as I headed for Ranti’s room. Her iPhone was right there on the bed as I hoped. I had to know! Hands shaking, I picked it up and it was unlocked. Her call records confirmed my fear! Bayo had been blowing her phone up for days it seemed. Then I checked her BBM – Nothing! I opened her whatsapp, and her chat with Bayo was at the very top. And there it was – Bayo’s penis it all it’s erected glory. A good night present to Ranti “for being a good girl.” My entire body had joined my hands in the shaking game by now. I scrolled up and there were pictures of Ranti fully clothed from days and weeks before. One of her pictures accompanied with the text. “This is all you get here, you already know pictures can’t campare with the real thing anyway.” I dropped the phone and went to my room.
I waited by the door of my room with my bags, as Ranti came out of the bathroom I just said “Thank you for being a good actor, you just ended my marriage.” She froze! I waited for a few minutes and she didn’t say a word. Picked up my bags, and went to the lobby and had someone get me a taxi!
That was the beginning a some really dark months.
But I have found me back. The real me! Not a version someone else wanted to create.
I am still with Bayo, and I STILL LOVE HIM (call police if you like). But my love is now on my own terms. By my own definition. And on the days I feel like loving only myself, I feel no regret!
I have been to Milan, Singapore and Casablanca in the past 5 months. Alone! I buy what I want now, and my confidence is hardly ever switched off.
I no longer have the need to fit the world or my husband’s definition of a good wife.
So, I’m raising a glass to 2015. The year I was meant to go under. The year I was re-born.
My name is ************* (you don’t need to know really), and this happened to me.
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