“Why is the strength of a woman celebrated by how much sufferings she can take?” This question is the crux of Toke Makinwa’s vlog on toxic relationships. According to her, a woman is expected to stay with a toxic man because her mother did the same. Moreover, it is by doing that, that she can be classified as a strong woman.
She explained that the movies we watch, the articles we read and the things we see online do not help matters as they are used to keep on passing the wrong messages about women to the next generation.
Of late I’ve been feeling like, is it that the girl-child came to the world to suffer? The movies have to portray women as going through so much before the man tend to realize that she’s worth the hassle. People define ride or die by taking bullshit and they almost look down on people who are strong enough to look at such situation. Am I brought to this world to suffer before a man realizes that I’m strong?
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been there. I’ve been through the ‘I shan’t gree relationship’ and I’m talking from the others side of the coin. There’s only two out of 10 successful cases out of women who hustle. There’s no gold medal that will be given to you at the end of the day. I feel like that promotes unhealthy situations. You find loads of women who are hanging on to deadbeat men. Sometimes you find women who let themselves go, chasing around a guy who is never gonna come around.
They are trying to prove a point that I must show this man that I love him by taking all his bullshit and guys also now know this thing and they sit like, “my girl is never going to leave me. She understands that I’m just playing around now. I’m definitely going to come around.”
One time, I remember talking to a pasto and he said to me, “If you pray, that man can have a change of heart,” and I thought that, “chai, you have to be in church till your knees are black, you have to show the man that you are superwoman, wonder woman, prayer warrior, provider and sole giver. What time do you have to take care of yourself?”
The girl-child has to go through this cycle of abuse. A lot of woman don’t know their worth anymore. They believe that their worth is latched on to a guy and that determines their happiness and I think it’s wrong. I think we need to start celebrating men who did not need to put a woman through hell to become men. Men who do not believe that women have to suffer in their hands before the finally realize this woman is gold.
Why are we celebrating babies and encouraging bad behaviours? We need to change that narrative.
Watch the video to hear her views.